Pete's questions!

[HereComesPete]

You'll no doubt be aware of the usual fuck marry kill and shag or die style games. Me and my uni mates were big on these, especially after a few jars in the pub. Spoodie's question of will it blend on deadpool made me think of these again.

Question 1 - If you were trapped in an arena and had to face a succession of animals, each bigger and/or meaner than the last, how far do you think you could kill up the following list. You are majically healed between the rounds so each fight is fresh and there's no succumbing to badger rabies or whatever.

rabbit>cat>ferret>labrador>badger>alsatian>lynx>horse>great dane>leopard>timber wolf>boar>lion>tiger>crocodile>elephant>polar bear

You are nekkid and have nothing with which to fashion even rudimentary tools from. The animals will attempt to attack and kill you, even if ordinarily they wouldn't.

Adding animals and explaining why is of course allowable, but you would have to be confident of defeating the preceding animal for you to place the new animal.



Question 2 - This one concerns coronation street. You can have rosie webster/helen flanagan for as long as you want, to do anything you want to do to her.

But every minute you're with her you have to spend the same amount of time with bill tarmey/jack duckworth's wrinkled and smeggy old cock in your mouth.

What time do you pick?


Editz - I forgot some stuff and realised I hadn't put my own answers, I feel I could kill as far as a leopard, I got a pass from my mates on the wolf because one of my nicknames is wolf fucker, but I couldn't down one or a boar with my bare hands unless I was real lucky.

As for the chick and dick question, I'd take about half an hour to violate her every orifice and then go to my happy place whilst the old chap had his old chap in my mouth.

[Grimmie]

<b>1)</b> I think I'd be fucked once I reached the lynx, as it would likely lacerate my cock in a single swipe, and by fuck can those things jump.

Rabbit; pick up, turn round, twist neck.
Cat; throw rabbit at, run at in ensuing confusion, pick up, twist neck to fuck.
Ferret; Use superior leg-reach to stamp the fucker to shit before it gets a bite in.
Labrador; Throw assortment of dead animals at. Kick in face, twist neck.
Badger; Drop Labrador on, jump on the resulting pile of furred blood and guts.
Alsatian; Throw Labrador at, run around screaming, turn around and roundhouse-kick to face.
Lynx; Get torn to ribbons, lay in a corner and be eaten excruciatingly slowly.

<b>2)</b> 0:00 Seconds.

I could have Helen Flanagan any time I wanted. Oh yeah.
/smooth

[amblin]

.

[spoodie]

Question 1:
I suspect many people would have trouble beyond a ferret if the animals were really intent on killing you. I especially wouldn't want to tackle a vicious badger. Depending on how long the fight went on there's a real possibility of bleeding to death from badger claw attacks.

Although I'd like to think I could kill dogs with my bare hands and Lynx don't seem to big. But how would you kill a horse?

Question 2:
0

[HereComesPete]

You fail at reading amblin. No fancy weapons, animals cannot be tamed, tricked, coerced or connived etc etc. It is animal versus animal, cunning and strength of beasts matched in epic naked combat. The best use for your opposable thumb here is to stick it in the animals eyes, or to gouge claws from one animal to use on another.

As for saying no, what?!? She's hawt, and more than legal, and she plays a proper dirty ho in corrie.

And no rohypnol, no money, no changes!

[Akiakaiu]

None and 0:00, I couldn't kill cute wittle aminals, and there would need to be large amounts of cash involved for any male part to violate me.

Though if I needed to kill said aminals I would say I could get to the lab then get my throat ripped out since it's prolly as tall as I am.

[HereComesPete]

Question 1:But how would you kill a horse?

The lack of full ahead vision at close range hampers a horse, but that's also the most risky place to be. Avoiding the flying hooves would be difficult, but if you did that and landed a few good punches around the eyes to slow it down and then tore its throat out with your teeth, you would emerge victorious.

[Dog Pants]

Q1. Horse I reckon;

rabbit - Penalty kick. Nasty claws on those fuckers.
cat - Similar to the rabbit, but I reckon it'd he harder to hit and take a few. Maybe a stomp for good measure.
ferret - Tricky to catch but no real threat. Possible scrotal injuries though. I reckon you could probably grab it and twist it or something while it's hanging by its teeth from your nutsack.
labrador - Tricky I reckon. I don't think it would be able to get to my throat before I pounded its though.
badger - I reckon I'd have some pretty nasty scratches and bites from the badger, but again my strength would win out and I could crush its windpipe or something.
alsatian - If it weren't for the magical healing I think the combination of badger bites, lab worries and scrotal ferret damage would be enough to give the alsatian the upper hand. As it is I might get away with it.
lynx - This would be a tricky one. I reckon this fucker could have me as often as not, but the chance of me causing some fatal damage to it is decent enough for me to give myself the benefit of the doubt. Possibly by using some dead-rabbit-fu.
horse - See, I don't think I could kill a horse with my bare hands. I reckon they're pretty tough and no amount of biting and punching and kicking would drop it before it kicked me onto my arse and stomped me to death. Nasty bite too, horses.

So ends Dog Pants, killed by a horse.

As for the Corrie bird, I'd have to do the Jack Duckworth thing first and last it out as long as I could before partying it up Rosie Webster. It's only like a Bush Tucker Trial.

[Stoat]

So ends Dog Pants, killed by a horse.

*Sheds a tear* It's what he would have wanted...

[Mr. Johnson]

1:

Rabbit: grab it by the legs and break it's neck, no challenge there.
Cat: breaking a felines neck will probably prove to be a bit of a problem, so i'll probably stomp it to death, or try and grab it's tail and smash against the floor/wall.
Ferret: ferrets are particularly nasty fuckers, but they tend to bite someone and not let go, so i'll try to get it to bite my hand smash it's head in.
Labrador: friendly as they are, labradors are pretty heavy dogs, i imagine i'd have a hell of a time stopping him from pouncing me on the floor and ripping my throat out. But like i said, labradors are pretty friendly dogs, i'd probably make it my buddy. Then he would die because he's too friendly.
Badger: badger are even nastier then ferrets, but i reckon i can still take 'im.
Alsatian: He'll probably notice how awesome my pack is and join me, no problems there.
Lynx: they're not that big, and they're naturally shy creatures, so i'll scare it off and try to kick it to death. if it doesn't scratch my eyes out first, because then i'm probably fucked.
Horse: there's no way i can take on a horse by my own, so i'll set my pack out to jump the horse, so it falls over, at which point i drop my full weight on it's legs so his legs break, and then i simply wait till it slowly dies.
Great dane: scooby-doo wouldn't hurt me now would he?
leopard: my dogs can take him, if they're not too mauled from the previous battles. Otherwise i'm dead.
timber wolf: i'll communicate with him through rudimentary howls and barks, but offcourse i don't speak his regional dialect so he eats my face.
he thinks my face is hey though, so he tells me i'm probably a jew and he's actually sorry for the holocaust, at which point he leaves.

this is getting a bit silly so i'll stop. The labrador probably offed me by now anyway.

2:
This is a British thing, so i have no answer to this.

[buzzmong]

Part 1:

I think a horse would flummox me, it would be difficult to get at its throat, however, it's knees are a weak point, and a well placed kick from the side would do a lot of damage to one limb. But they're bloody quick and big.
Most of the other ones wouldn't cope well to a proper kick to the head.


Part 2:

Er, not quite sure, it's a large prize but such a massive cost. Do I get a good book to read while the cock's in? If yes, I'd do that first and clock up veritble hours of time.
If no...hmm, I'd have to think more on it.

[spoodie]

2:
This is a British thing, so i have no answer to this.

More accurately it's a thing for people that watch awful British TV. I don't know who they are beyond what I've seen on Google image search.

[Dog Pants]

More accurately it's a thing for people that watch awful British TV. I don't know who they are beyond what I've seen on Google image search.

I don't watch any TV per se, but Mrs Pants does so I witness most of the shite.

[Dr. kitteny berk]

1:

I reckon Everything up to a great dane, little things I'd just kick/stomp. I'll bum the horse to death (i'm thinking a reverse mr. hands thing) failing that, I'll thumb its eyes and leave it to die of an infection, I'll also use this time to fashion some rudimentary clothes from the previous animals.

I'll use the rotting, stinking carcass of the horse to disguise my smell a little against the great dane, then i'll kick it in the throat as it realises it's me, I'd follow that up with eye gouging and then sticking my hand down its throat until it dies.

Leopard will get me.



2:

0, even if the cock wasn't involved.

[Roman Totale]

I reckon horse is pretty damn tough, but as someone pointed out if you go for the legs that pretty much fucks them up. Great danes are a bit soft I reckon (look at their scrawny rib cage), and leopards have very brittle bones from memory - a swift kick and they'd be fucked.

Not too sure about Timber Wolves, they generally hunt in packs so fuck knows how they'd do solo. Boar, avoiding the tusks is easier said than done, but if you do I reckon you could take it.

Lion - no chance, they'd fuck you right up (unless you meant the chocolate bar).

I had to Google that bird and tasty as she is, I don't think I'd suck on cheesy pensioner cock for the privilege.

[Grimmie]

0, even if the cock wasn't involved.

How about if Rosie Webster wasn't involved?

[Dr. kitteny berk]

How about if Rosie Webster wasn't involved?

Equally no.

No combination of those two things works for me.

[Grimmie]

This is a British thing, so i have no answer to this.

You can have this; http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/1 ... 68x800.jpg
If this can have you; http://www.corrieblog.tv/jack_duckworth_and_pigeon.jpg

[Mr. Johnson]

just no. to either of them.

[Roman Totale]

I reckon horse is pretty damn tough, but as someone pointed out if you go for the legs that pretty much fucks them up.