Takeaway@Home

[FatherJack]

Now I like takeaway food and partake of it perhaps once a week, though actually considerably less these days as befits my financial situation. Once a month, if I'm lucky.

It is not supposed to be especially healthy, but once in a while can't do that much harm, right?

So what makes it so appealing? Apart from the obvious laziness factor. Is it the MSG, or the comforting flavours that like tomato soup and banana Nesquik bear no actual relation to their supposed real-life counterparts?

Like me, I'm sure you've narrowed down your local suppliers of easy-to-get grub to ones you really like the taste of (or are cheap). I've had more than a few dirty burgers, iffy kebabs and downright nasty curries in my time, but I'm talking about stuff you'd actually eat when sober.

I've settled on a local pizza house, which is a small, family-run affair, whose thin-crust pizzas have a lovely bubbly texture. Unfortunately for them, this of all the takeaway options is the easiest to recreate at home. Using berk's pizza recipe pretty much, though with a spatula and a bowl rather than a mixer as it's a damn sight quicker to wash up, and sneaking some pecorino in with the flour, last night I created something that exceeded my expectations. Not that won't buy takeaway again, it took a couple of hours and (gah) effort to make, but the price (all things considered) was on a level with buying a supermarket pizza and putting it in the oven, of course the taste being far superior to that option, plus there's plenty of room for a few tweaks.

Now though, I've drawn a blank. I regularly stir-fry, make curries and stuff and just generally improvise - but they're just my recipes. There's nothing that stands out as being a clone of what you'd get as a take-out. Supermarket efforts at doing this universally disappoint, so I don't imagine it's easy to do. I suppose my food is most likely healthier, and perhaps better since I'm choosy about ingredients, but that's not the overall effect I'm talking about here.

One trick I'm close to is the "Chinese curry". It's basically a curry paste (doesn't seem to matter particularly which one) with a tin of coconut milk added to the mix after the initial fry-up - it goes kind of brown and curry...ish. That was never a particular favourite of mine though, and my experimentation with different staring ingredients all seems to fall into blandness once the milk goes in. I suppose it's kind of the old-school "curry" recipe that grandads and Uncle Ben might remember, particularly if you chucked a few raisins in, but it's not for me.

So, what else? Burgers are a bit of a minefield - as you'd likely want to avoid some of the nasties that go in the "real" ones, but I find slowly frying a couple of OK-quality ones in a paddling-pool of ghee (clarified butter) makes them tasty enough to slap between some bread rolls with some plastic cheese - which is of course the only cheese which should ever go near a burger. It follows therefore that any patties you ham-fist together with your own meat would equally benefit from the same cooking method - but it won't taste like Burger King. Curiously, the best plastic cheese I have discovered is the Polish-originated Tenery "Cheddar", with an absolutely astounding shelf-life (tested by me in practice) - and curious because usually the Polish version of everything is gash.

Um, that's all I can think of for what I do. I tool about with the ingredients I love, which are big fat Udon noodles, miso paste and Kikkoman soy sauce and can probably list a dozen quick-fry mashups I do with those when I can't be arsed with much, but that's another post.

Need to end with a question. So, what are your takeaway favourites, and have you ever attempted, or want to attempt your own versions of them?

[Dr. kitteny berk]

I've pretty much got the junkfood at home thing sorted.

Fried Chicken.

Burgers. (A little sriracha on the mayo really, really makes them awesome)

And obviously the pizza FJ linked.

Annoyingly, good takeaway, namely Indian, and to some degree Chinese eludes me.

However, my mother does a very, very good india curry, a chicken shashlik and tikka, I shall procure the recipes.

I've tried naan on a few occasions, but never got anything properly close.

[Shada]

I was thinking the other day about making my own knock off doner kebabs because I'm one of those weirdos who loves the taste of doner meat when I'm not drunk. I can't think how it'd be possible as I don't have a rotating spit or a huge elephant's foot of 1% lamb mystery meat, but just shoving some seasoned lamb into a pita bread would probably be close enough for me.

[shot2bits]

I was thinking the other day about making my own knock off doner kebabs because I'm one of those weirdos who loves the taste of doner meat when I'm not drunk. I can't think how it'd be possible as I don't have a rotating spit or a huge elephant's foot of 1% lamb mystery meat, but just shoving some seasoned lamb into a pita bread would probably be close enough for me.

Ive done this before, its nice and a quick and easy dinner, but tastes nothing like a take away doner, thats not necessarily a bad thing though.

[FatherJack]

I was thinking the other day about making my own knock off doner kebabs because I'm one of those weirdos who loves the taste of doner meat when I'm not drunk. I can't think how it'd be possible as I don't have a rotating spit or a huge elephant's foot of 1% lamb mystery meat, but just shoving some seasoned lamb into a pita bread would probably be close enough for me.

Well it starts as finely ground lamb mince so you just squidge it around a skewer though obviously not on the scale of the kebab house. I guess you could bake it like a meat loaf then cut it into slices when cooked, or make it into a fat sausage by rolling it in clingfilm, boiling it in water then slicing it and frying to finish it off.

Don't know about the flavourings, it'd need a bit of experimentation to get it just how your local does it, I'd guess some green dried herbs, garlic, salt and pepper. Maybe paprika or cayenne pepper mixed with onion powder would make a good sort of "crust".

[Dr. kitteny berk]

Kebab.

Actually, I might try that tonight.

I too am a fan of a good kebab, they're just not common here.

Oh, and assuming you lack a food processor, grate the onion, and just mush everything together with a potato masher, it'll work well enough.

[Dr. kitteny berk]

or make it into a fat sausage by rolling it in clingfilm, boiling it in water then slicing it and frying to finish it off.

I wouldn't think that'd work, you'd end up with something very, very greasy.

[Grimmie]

I wouldn't think that'd work, you'd end up with something very, very greasy.

Like a kebab?

[Dr. kitteny berk]

moreso.

The whole point of the elephant's leg is that as you cook it, the grease runs away, slightly basting the meat, but nonetheless, draining the fat off.

[Dr. kitteny berk]

Yep, that worked, I went for the meatloaf style recipe, the pressing with a brick (I used a couple of matching pans and an iron slab) seems to get the last of the excess grease out.

The spicing was missing something I can't place, I followed the recipe aside from a couple of chopped birds eye chillis for added perkiness.

Experiment: successful.


IMG_7908 by Kitteny Berk, on Flickr


IMG_7910 by Kitteny Berk, on Flickr


IMG_7913 by Kitteny Berk, on Flickr

[Shada]

nice one, I'll give that a try soon

[FatherJack]

I tried the other method, on a spit and rotisserie:



Unfortunately it fell off after about ten minutes so I baked the sausage over a drip tray:



Result: Kebabs!



Used about 1.5 times the spices in the recipe, plus coated the sausage in cayenne pepper and onion salt.