12 Things You Can Never Say in the Office
BusinessWeek wants to keep you from looking old and stupid with this list of 12 things you can never say in the office. Oddly enough "intranet" is on the list but "Hey baby" isn’t.
We've put together a list of outdated tech terms, phrases that you shouldn't be using at work anymore because they will make you seem old. This is especially true if you're looking for a new job. For example, on an interview, you should be talking about "cloud computing," not "ASPs" even though they are basically the same thing.
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Publish Date: Thu, 27 Aug 2009 09:08:00 CDT Read more...
Totally wrong on the Push thing. Yes, in 1996 it meant Pointcast and realPlayer pushing a load of ads onto you, now it refers to intelligent mobile device synchronisation which minimises your data traffic bill like Active Sync does and the crapbag psuedo-POP effort Cackberry offer doesn't. (Well it kind of does, but its full implementation is awkward and horrifically insecure, so most people have to use their BB's in POP mode)
Cloud Computing makes you sound like an utter girl, though I agree that Information Superhighway makes you sound like a spazzer. I think it probably always did, though.
What are 12 words you can't say in your office? Here's mine:
1. BOMB!
2. I'll do it.
3. I love this place. (except when said sarcastically)
4. Man up.
5. Anyone want a bacon butty from the shop?
6. I'll be in the bar in ten minutes, get me a bacardi breezer in will you?
Well technically I'm not meant to swear or be racist etc etc. But I think my boss just gave up on trying to enforce that.
There's strange things in my office that just shouldn't be said;
1 - fat chick - all the women on the team hate it, even though only one of them is fat. I can say chick just fine though.
2 - shaddap - I say this to the polish girl sitting next to me to mock her accent and get her to be quiet and I'm in for a few hours of fack yoo pete yoo dick ginger bastard twat. It was funny the first few times but now it's a bit embarrassing to watch the boss tell her to shut up.
3 - Poland is shit/a village/backward/cold/not really in the eu/has a silly name for something etc, same reason as above.
4 - Swearing in Polish, it's somehow far worse than in English, and both the Polish chicks chew my ears off.
5 - blasphemy of any kind - there's an old dear on the team who will tear anyone a new hole if you blaspheme, she doesn't care about swearing though, weird that.
6 - no, no, no, I don't think so fella! A phrase used once by a dude, said to the extent it turns him purple with rage, he nearly floored his pc once and instead punched the wall so hard he broke his knuckle. I still use it occasionally.
7 - Anyone for a drink? Because this equals two or three trips to the machines for water, tea and coffee etc. Instead you have to remember everyone's usual drink and just get that instead.
8 - Yes. If the boss calls anyone's name and then mutters, he's just asked them to do something shitty. Last time I knew what it would be and volunteered for the first of three jobs, it was ringing customers in massive debt. I'd seen their names because I'd written the initial report so took myself out the race with someone called mr duma who was a nice drunken Hungarian. The next one had a name kind of like 'mr qwljkjhgfdsassdfghhjjkhgfdsa\sdfghjkhh\\dzxfgk gyuhjk' and one of my team mates had to use an electronic pronunciation tool to even attempt it. Not good when you expect to be on the phone for at least half an hour explaining why we're kicking their door in.
My English swearing has impressed American, Russian, French and Polish coworkers, so I don't really feel the need to branch out. Perhaps it's my diction, but I seem to be able to blurt universally impressive stanzas at random, even when I can't remember the exact words I used later on.
Taboo in our office is...well nothing really unless the brass are around. Last day tomorrow, guess I'll miss it, kinda.
I am going to start with my ideas for my own business from next week. Not quite in the position to hire anyone yet, but who knows what the future holds - I do rather like the idea of a wholly 5punk-run operation, but not sure the customers will.
I'm technically still employed (and paid) by the University until the end of the year, so I haven't applied for any jobs, but by then I should have an idea as to which of my ideas are workable, so might be able to make some sort of living, do some part-time work or contract/consult.
I'm a little bruised by the whole episode, so I'm none too keen to jump straight back in to full time employment, despite the security that offers. I'm very fortunate that I have the rest of the year to try things out, with a large cash sum after that - so it could be up to a year before I absolutely have to get another job and that's if I make absolutely no money from my ventures and make no effort to limit my spending.
So while I needed the push to give starting a business a go, I have more security now than I likely ever will again, so I'm quite excited about seizing the opportunity. My existing skills shouldn't go out of date too soon and my quick learning ability isn't going anywhere, so I could potentially choose a job based on how much I wanted to do it if the job market picks up a bit, but I really want to have a proper go at my own thing, because I probably never will otherwise and like all those dreams and inventions I thought up when at school*, someone else will do it and I'll be left thinking what could have been.
* 3D games (I wrote a ray-casting engine on the C64 based on a science paper about matrix transformations), universal remote controls, pay-per-view, customisable sandwiches, microtransactions, self-replicating dynamically-generated code and file compression.
12 Things You Can Never Say in the Office
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