The Pants Question of the Week: Shite Movies Redux

Post by **Dog Pants** » August 8th, 2008, 12:39

How many times do you watch a film which, before you saw it sounded awesome but in implementation the director has completely fucked it up. For me, repeated outrageous luck or unlikely levels of skill generally does it. So, if you could personally remake a film what would it be and what improvements would you make.

For me, I think I'd remake Spielberg's War of the Worlds. It'd be too easy to say I'd completely change everything, and that wouldn't really be the same film. What I'd do is simply change the time period to the late 1800s. That simple change would give the film massive character and remove or gloss over some of the other flaws. Tom Cruise isn't my favourite actor in the world, but what he did with The Last Samurai makes me think he could pull of a period piece, and with turn of the century military technology they could have some big old firefights without having to resort to horse fields and other super alien technology. I'd make sure the Thunderchild was in there too, in San Francisco harbour.

Akiakaiu · Post by **Akiakaiu** » August 8th, 2008, 13:14

That stupid animated version of Dragonlance with fucking Xena and Keifer. I'd take all the money spent on getting big name shit voice actors and put it, I don't know, into the animation maybe. Square would do it justice.

Can you tell this movie really really pised me off? I mean super pissed off.

spoodie · Post by **spoodie** » August 8th, 2008, 14:25

The re-cut of The Shining is questionable (a bit old):
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmkVWuP_sO0[/media]

I thought the King Kong was a bit shit. But the worst that I can think of is The Ladykillers. The remake has a magnificent total of one funny bit.

Post by **Dr. kitteny berk** » August 8th, 2008, 15:56

Bloody difficult one this is.

I can't think of that many movies I'd like remade good.

They're mostly either just meh, or worked because they were made badly.

I mean, Forbidden Zone would be shit if it was done on a budget of more than $10 and made well.

Fear · Post by **Fear** » August 8th, 2008, 16:04

I think most of your typically American Hollywood tripe would be good if they focused more on the nity-gritty of the story and less on the token romance between the two lead actors, and less on the special effects.

/sweeping remark

Chickenz · Post by **Chickenz** » August 8th, 2008, 16:11

Fear wrote:I think most of your typically American Hollywood tripe would be good if they focused more on the nity-gritty of the story and less on the token romance between the two lead actors, and less on the special effects.

/sweeping remark

Transformers?

Post by **deject** » August 8th, 2008, 16:20

Chickenz wrote:
Transformers?Michael Bay?

Fear · Post by **Fear** » August 8th, 2008, 16:22

Chickenz wrote:Transformers?

Pfft, I enjoyed that.

Post by **Dr. kitteny berk** » August 8th, 2008, 16:25

Fear wrote:Pfft, I enjoyed that.

guess what I didn't like about it?

Baliame · Post by **Baliame** » August 8th, 2008, 18:54

The memory card in your mobile phone, the video camera in the hand of the guy on your left and the drink?

Post by **HereComesPete** » August 8th, 2008, 21:39

deject wrote:werds

I quite liked bad boys 2 as a stupid comedy/action thingy. Not all of what he does is shite, just a lot of it.

Post by **deject** » August 8th, 2008, 22:27

Michael Bay is good at what he does, which is blowing lots of stuff up and making crazy action scenes. He is not a good director.

Post by **FatherJack** » August 9th, 2008, 0:10

Dungeons and Dragons.

With the actors they had and the CGI budget, this should have been awesome, so it can only be the crappy script and rubbish directing that let it down.

Irons basically took the piss, Birch looked like she was attempting a parody of Padme and the stereotypical 'zany' sidekick that Wayans played was frankly a disgrace.

I'd have rewritten it in the style of the 80's cartoon and told the actors to buck their ideas up - it might be aimed at kids, but it had more depth and characterisation than that film, particularly in the hidden fears episode. I'd probably draw heavily on the cast of X-Men and Heroes.

Post by **HereComesPete** » August 9th, 2008, 12:31

Good point FJ, I was enraged by that piss poor effort.

Didn't they make a second one too?

The first one was badly written, shot and edited on top of the thick slices of ham it served. Irons did just take the piss, the guy playing the evil lieutenant with thing in brain was shockingly bad and the dwarf/elf actors sucked all kinds of ass for the few minutes screenplay they got.

I've thought about this for a while and whilst most (all) remakes annoy me to some extent, I decided that there was actually only one where I didn't suffer significant amounts of 'why the fuck did they change that! *insert director name here* is such a fucking dickhead'.

It was the 're-imagining' of planet of the apes. It wasn't that I liked it, just that I couldn't even summon the anger to hate it. Suppose that's worse than bothering to hate it.