Call of Duty
Contents
The Basics
Call of Duty (or CoD as we prefer) is traditionally played on a Tuesday evening and comes in three flavours:
Call of Duty Call of Duty: United Offensive (bascially an expansion to the original CoD) Call of Duty 2 (the sequal)
Of the three CoD: UO is by far the most popular. Not because it has the best graphics, the best gameplay or an amazing physics engine (in fact, physics generally doesn't exist in CoD and if you read carefully you will find this noted in Einstein's Theory of General Relativity), but just because it is enormous fun to run around shooting people whilst talking complete and utter gibberish over TeamSpeak.
The Juicy Bits
CoD probably epitomises the 5punk ethos more than any other game - it's not about how amny points you get, it's about having fun. In fact you will notice that no description has been given of the game itself so far - that's because in all honesty, it doesn't matter.
Although games such as CS:S and BEEF are more popular, the TeamSpeak conversations during CoD have probably given rise to more hilarity, 5punk in-jokes and general surrealism than any other games put together. It is of course impossible to recreate the atmosphere of a CoD night TeamSpeak session, but below are a few of the things you might want to listen out for if you decide to join in.
CoD Lingo
AIDS Cannon
You won't have to listen too hard for this one. The AIDS Cannon features on the custom map 'Quarantine' and is effectively a mounted anti-aircraft gun that kills without making a sound! The animation whilst firing also looks amusingly like the player is having a wank. Although the gun itself is silent, it's presence is generally greeted with the singing of either (or sometimes at the same time) of the two songs below...
AIDSAIDSAIDSAIDSAIDSAIDSAIDSAIDSAIDSAIDSAIDSAIDSAIDSAIDS etc
AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDS CANNON!
Baths
These are sources of great power in CoD, and must be protected at all costs. The bigger the bath, the better. Regardless of scores on a map, whoever is deemed to have held on to a bath for the longest amount of time is the winner.
Teabagging
The art of placing one's testicles upon the cold, dead eyes of a recently defeated foe. If there is no foe readily available, certain other objects will suffice - a radio, a dead cow, a piano...
Treebagging
The art of placings one's testicles in a tree. This is best performed as a group activity.
Death 'Nade
The art of releasing a grenade just as you are killed. Anyone teabagging your corpse at that moment will find their testicles rapidly detatched and hurled through the air (into a tree if they are really lucky).
Ninja roof climbing
Climbing on roofs! Like a ninja!
Railings
Found on a map that begins with 'M'. Whoever thought that iron railings could offer invulnerability?
Conclusion
CoDCoDCoDCoDCoDCoDCoDCoD
