15 5punky Games
Posted: April 20th, 2009, 19:56
In preperation for the (hopeful) arrival of 5punky articles, I present a list of 15 5punky games. Not neccessarily in any order, but all these games have proven to be excellent playgrounds for our particular brand of puerile mayhem.
Call of Duty: United Offensive
Arguably the granddaddy of 5punky games, COD:UO was just broken enough to allow silliness without ruining gameplay. The addition of perfectly flawed custom maps only enhanced this, leading to mountains of corpses from ninja training, epic games of Capture the Bath, and surprise deaths from ladderpults. Let's not forget, too, the mighty AIDS cannon, named from the silent shaky death the mounted anti-tank gun caused.
SWAT 4
Only such a regimented game, requiring high levels of coordination and teamwork, could have resulted in the utter chaos that SWAT 4 does. Non-lethal weapons provide a perfect opportunity to harrass fellow 5punkers during tense raids, and nothing breaks that tension like a bean bag round to the testicles. All the best SWAT 4 games descended into blue-on-blue firefights with tazers, mace, and shotguns firing miniature scatter funiture. The tension came from when it would happen.
Joint Ops
An open ended military shooter with such a vast array of vehicles can only be seen as one thing by 5punkers - an opportunity to build a stack of rickshaws on top of a chinook. The enemy was mainly a disturbingly accurate distraction from creating vast amounts of rainbow smoke from the back of donutting speedboats, fitting as many of one type of vehicle inside another, and more insane tuc-tuc stunts than every other 5punky game put together.
Battlefield 2
While it was enjoyed mainly for being a good game, Battlefield 2 wasn't without its share of 5punky potential.
Project Torque
Albatross 18
On the surface a golf game might sound like the last place to find our brand of havoc, but this is golf Korean style. Flying cat caddies, courses set on aircraft carriers, and simultaneous play tournaments ensured that few of us had the least idea what was going on.
Trickster Online
Another offering from Korea. 2D isometric MMOs might be ten a penny, but this one's mixture of odd but cute things for us to kill and hats had us gleeing for weeks. Imagine our delight when we were first attacked by Sand Willies, and being an MMO our interactions with the serious and the stupid were the icing on this particular cake.
Urban Dead
At first glance there seems to be little opportunity for chaos in this browser based zombie game, but once we found our shambling feet it all took off. Our pub crawl around the city made friend and foe alike, and we even made the in-game paper! On the other side of the living/dead divide, creativity with zombie speech and some extremely inappropriate dancing provided much entertainment for bothe the alive and the dead.
City of Heroes
Never has a game been better suited to the 5punky way. Tha ability to create characters that could be hideously ugly, ludicrously stupid, or outrageously homosexual, combined with a vast array of emotes, and a server full of serious Americans, created endless opportunities for hilarity. The Paragon City faaabulous Pride march went down with mixed, but very dramatic, results. The Invasion of the Spartacususes went down slighty better but with no less attention. Even as individuals the chance to shit in bins and drop entire groups of players into enemy invasions from 50 storys up made this game an all time great.
Eve Online
While limited in actual on-screen confrontations, Eve has still managed to write utself into the 5punky history books. Simply for providing so many new 5punkers should Eve be applauded, but the vein of 5punk runs deeper than that. Giant CDCs made from cargo containers in space could be seen where we made our mark, and the mass bumming of a hostile blockade as we slipped by them was a thing of spacebourne beauty.
World of Warcraft
More limited than one might expect for such a visual game, we still manage to make our mark the MMO behemoth. No task is too serious for us to bum around on, and the more seriously the internet is about something, the more entertaining it is. Every dungeon is an exercise in herding cats, and the cow-train proved surprisingly popular.
Team Fortress 2
Dunno, I didn't really play this but apparently it's very 5punky.
Unreal Tournament 2003
As shooters go this doesn't particularly stand out. Until you crank the speed up to 200% and turn on instagib, in the smalles map in the game. Cue bleeding eyes and liquidised brains. Nobody could play it for more than an hour at a time, but man what a ride.
Shartak
Were were about to abandon this when the internet public came to our rescue. Who could have known that groups of very serious roleplayers could unwittingly provide so much entertainment as we methodically destroyed their groups for bullying us into playing the game their way. Non-conformity had never been so much fun.
Age of Conan
While the game is generally acknowledged to be pretty pants, the scope for 5punkiness was greater than we expected. All-terrain mammoths, a urinating emote, pooing in the street and hilarious nudity all proved admirable distractions from what ultimately turned out to be an otherwise hollow game.
Call of Duty: United Offensive
Arguably the granddaddy of 5punky games, COD:UO was just broken enough to allow silliness without ruining gameplay. The addition of perfectly flawed custom maps only enhanced this, leading to mountains of corpses from ninja training, epic games of Capture the Bath, and surprise deaths from ladderpults. Let's not forget, too, the mighty AIDS cannon, named from the silent shaky death the mounted anti-tank gun caused.
SWAT 4
Only such a regimented game, requiring high levels of coordination and teamwork, could have resulted in the utter chaos that SWAT 4 does. Non-lethal weapons provide a perfect opportunity to harrass fellow 5punkers during tense raids, and nothing breaks that tension like a bean bag round to the testicles. All the best SWAT 4 games descended into blue-on-blue firefights with tazers, mace, and shotguns firing miniature scatter funiture. The tension came from when it would happen.
Joint Ops
An open ended military shooter with such a vast array of vehicles can only be seen as one thing by 5punkers - an opportunity to build a stack of rickshaws on top of a chinook. The enemy was mainly a disturbingly accurate distraction from creating vast amounts of rainbow smoke from the back of donutting speedboats, fitting as many of one type of vehicle inside another, and more insane tuc-tuc stunts than every other 5punky game put together.
Battlefield 2
While it was enjoyed mainly for being a good game, Battlefield 2 wasn't without its share of 5punky potential.
Project Torque
Albatross 18
On the surface a golf game might sound like the last place to find our brand of havoc, but this is golf Korean style. Flying cat caddies, courses set on aircraft carriers, and simultaneous play tournaments ensured that few of us had the least idea what was going on.
Trickster Online
Another offering from Korea. 2D isometric MMOs might be ten a penny, but this one's mixture of odd but cute things for us to kill and hats had us gleeing for weeks. Imagine our delight when we were first attacked by Sand Willies, and being an MMO our interactions with the serious and the stupid were the icing on this particular cake.
Urban Dead
At first glance there seems to be little opportunity for chaos in this browser based zombie game, but once we found our shambling feet it all took off. Our pub crawl around the city made friend and foe alike, and we even made the in-game paper! On the other side of the living/dead divide, creativity with zombie speech and some extremely inappropriate dancing provided much entertainment for bothe the alive and the dead.
City of Heroes
Never has a game been better suited to the 5punky way. Tha ability to create characters that could be hideously ugly, ludicrously stupid, or outrageously homosexual, combined with a vast array of emotes, and a server full of serious Americans, created endless opportunities for hilarity. The Paragon City faaabulous Pride march went down with mixed, but very dramatic, results. The Invasion of the Spartacususes went down slighty better but with no less attention. Even as individuals the chance to shit in bins and drop entire groups of players into enemy invasions from 50 storys up made this game an all time great.
Eve Online
While limited in actual on-screen confrontations, Eve has still managed to write utself into the 5punky history books. Simply for providing so many new 5punkers should Eve be applauded, but the vein of 5punk runs deeper than that. Giant CDCs made from cargo containers in space could be seen where we made our mark, and the mass bumming of a hostile blockade as we slipped by them was a thing of spacebourne beauty.
World of Warcraft
More limited than one might expect for such a visual game, we still manage to make our mark the MMO behemoth. No task is too serious for us to bum around on, and the more seriously the internet is about something, the more entertaining it is. Every dungeon is an exercise in herding cats, and the cow-train proved surprisingly popular.
Team Fortress 2
Dunno, I didn't really play this but apparently it's very 5punky.
Unreal Tournament 2003
As shooters go this doesn't particularly stand out. Until you crank the speed up to 200% and turn on instagib, in the smalles map in the game. Cue bleeding eyes and liquidised brains. Nobody could play it for more than an hour at a time, but man what a ride.
Shartak
Were were about to abandon this when the internet public came to our rescue. Who could have known that groups of very serious roleplayers could unwittingly provide so much entertainment as we methodically destroyed their groups for bullying us into playing the game their way. Non-conformity had never been so much fun.
Age of Conan
While the game is generally acknowledged to be pretty pants, the scope for 5punkiness was greater than we expected. All-terrain mammoths, a urinating emote, pooing in the street and hilarious nudity all proved admirable distractions from what ultimately turned out to be an otherwise hollow game.
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