I fucking hate shitty fowarded emails
Posted: December 25th, 2005, 21:38
And so fairly enjoyed one that a friend sent me today, specifically because of my hate:
I want to thank all of you!
To all my friends and family, Thank you for making me safe, secure,
blessed, and wealthy by sending me your chain letters over the last year.
Because of your concern:
I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains and can
cause AIDS.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. And
cause AIDS.
I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the
rat shit and piss. Probably rat-AIDS too.
I no longer use cling-film in the microwave because it causes cancer. And
AIDS.
I no longer go to cinema because I could sit on a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer check the change slot on pay phones because I could get pricked
with a needle infected with AIDS and catch AIDS.
I no longer want to use petrol pumps- where I will either get AIDS or cause
an explosion by cell phone or static.
I no longer use cancer causing deodorants even though I smell like a wet
dog with AIDS on a hot day.
I no longer go to shopping centres because someone with AIDS will drug me
with a perfume sample and try to rob or rape me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al
Qaida in disguise.
I don't pray anymore since I know it won't be answered unless I forward an
e-mail on to at least 7 friends within a minute.
I no longer answer the phone because someone with AIDS will ask me to dial
a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls
to
Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the oestrogens they contain will
turn me faaabulous. And give me AIDS.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes or feathers. And have AIDS.
I no longer look at the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and
leave me taking a nap in a bath tub full of ice. WIth AIDS.
I no longer have a mobile because I don't want brain cancer. Or AIDS for
that matter.
I no longer have any trainers because I would hate to see all those poor
kids in the sweat shops overseas suffering because I wanted a pair of Nike
shoes.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out
for me.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl about to die
in the hospital for the 1,000,000,000th time.
I no longer have any money but that will change once I receive the $18,624
that Microsoft and AOL are sending me since I participated in their special
e-mail program.
Now if you DON'T send this e-mail to at least 12,000,000 of your closest
friends in the next 30 seconds a big beast with a great hairy arse and
syphilis will come along and dry-bum you into next week, thus giving you
and all your family and the entire world and universe and all life as we
know
it, AIDS. Even James Blunt. And Mark off Eastenders will get super double
AIDS. None of your dreams will come true and you be become a complete
failure in all that you try to accomplish- a senseless, jibbering wreck who
will spend the rest of their life wishing that they had just FORWARDED THE
E-MAILS!!!
Merry Christmas everyone.
I want to thank all of you!
To all my friends and family, Thank you for making me safe, secure,
blessed, and wealthy by sending me your chain letters over the last year.
Because of your concern:
I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains and can
cause AIDS.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. And
cause AIDS.
I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the
rat shit and piss. Probably rat-AIDS too.
I no longer use cling-film in the microwave because it causes cancer. And
AIDS.
I no longer go to cinema because I could sit on a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer check the change slot on pay phones because I could get pricked
with a needle infected with AIDS and catch AIDS.
I no longer want to use petrol pumps- where I will either get AIDS or cause
an explosion by cell phone or static.
I no longer use cancer causing deodorants even though I smell like a wet
dog with AIDS on a hot day.
I no longer go to shopping centres because someone with AIDS will drug me
with a perfume sample and try to rob or rape me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al
Qaida in disguise.
I don't pray anymore since I know it won't be answered unless I forward an
e-mail on to at least 7 friends within a minute.
I no longer answer the phone because someone with AIDS will ask me to dial
a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls
to
Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the oestrogens they contain will
turn me faaabulous. And give me AIDS.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes or feathers. And have AIDS.
I no longer look at the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and
leave me taking a nap in a bath tub full of ice. WIth AIDS.
I no longer have a mobile because I don't want brain cancer. Or AIDS for
that matter.
I no longer have any trainers because I would hate to see all those poor
kids in the sweat shops overseas suffering because I wanted a pair of Nike
shoes.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out
for me.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl about to die
in the hospital for the 1,000,000,000th time.
I no longer have any money but that will change once I receive the $18,624
that Microsoft and AOL are sending me since I participated in their special
e-mail program.
Now if you DON'T send this e-mail to at least 12,000,000 of your closest
friends in the next 30 seconds a big beast with a great hairy arse and
syphilis will come along and dry-bum you into next week, thus giving you
and all your family and the entire world and universe and all life as we
know
it, AIDS. Even James Blunt. And Mark off Eastenders will get super double
AIDS. None of your dreams will come true and you be become a complete
failure in all that you try to accomplish- a senseless, jibbering wreck who
will spend the rest of their life wishing that they had just FORWARDED THE
E-MAILS!!!
Merry Christmas everyone.
