5punk

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
never figured out why men think with their
head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting
into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says
"I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to
hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman
enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to
my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not
what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one
to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.
We went onto the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of
diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have
thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was
testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even
know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said,
"That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't
feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
"WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me
to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this
look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me
for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

Hahahaha So very, very true.

Hehulk wrote:Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

you forget, she's got you by the balls already.

haha.

win.


edit:

though, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

makes me wonder a few things, is she that self obsessed? are you that bad at sex?

Dr. kitteny berk wrote:is she that self obsessed?

most women are

Dr. kitteny berk wrote: are you that bad at sex?

most men are*


to preempt the inevitable sarky replys, please note my use of the word 'most'

i seem to be pretty good, i spunk every time. in my opinion its the girl who has the problem

To hehulk: ROFL! That was quite uber.
To cashy: .... .. D:

/me bows

Thank ye Grimmie.

I remember getting this in a chain email last year. Still awesome.