5punk

The game didn't register so had to be replayed tonight. This time I stomped the High Elves into the ground, and after their promising initial run when they had a full team, attrition took its toll and I walked in a slow and deliberate 2-1 victory.

Oof, unlucky for him. When a game doesn't complete like that, do you still retain any injuries sustained during it?

No, I think everything's uploaded at the end, so no injuries or SPP.

Anupshi Rises (DogPants, Khe) 1 - 0 The Phantom Menace (Rakysh, Nec)

Anupshi Rises got a rather rude introduction to the advantage of blitzing with Frenzy when the game opens with one of the Phantom Menace werewolves sent a blitz-ra crowd-surfing. So began the trend of the first half, with the Necromantics outmanoeuvring the Khemri throughout. What was also a trend-setting opening move was Anupshi Rises's first block injuring a zombie lineman. Much of the half, then, was lent to blocking and posturing as the Necs probed the defence for an opportunity. This came just over halfway through when an excellent feint by Rakysh drew most of the defenders over to their right field, allowing the Ghoul runner to race down the lightly defended left. The scattered defence was just enough to hold the runner until a loose Tomb Guardian caught up and smashed the ball carrier into the ground. After that very close dash the half ended with both teams converging, unsuccessful in their attempts to recover it and break out. The Phantom Menace were certainly the better team at that point, but with one zombie dead(er), two more players injured and a ghoul KOd the second half would see them starting with a depleted lineup.

Things were taking a similar line with Anupshi Rises on the offensive in the second half. An unwise feint by the ball carrier served only to leave some of his slower teammates behind while the more agile Necromantics crabbed across the pitch to meet him. As the attackers folded in to try to cage up again a flanking party of Wights and Werewolves managed to come round behind and sack the ball carrying Thro-Ra. Panic ensues among the offence as the Thro-Ra was the last man, and there are more opposition players around the ball than friendly. This is exacerbated by some poor blocking, although the Phantom Menace certainly got the lion's share of unfortunate rolls across the game. Enough players managed to get back to stop the ball going either way and the game devolved into a brawl again. So it would have ended were it not for some unlucky ball handling resulting in the ball landing unattended by a prone Blitz-Ra. Against all odds he managed to pick the thing up and race off linewards. A similarly positioned Wight gave chase and the last turns of the game might have ended in a Blitzer Vs Blitzer chase for the line were it not for an encore for Mr Surprise Blitzing Tomb Guardian who clobbered the Wight as he reached the ball carrier, stunning him. With two turns to go and no opposition the cards were on the table. The touchdown was scored and the game ended gracefully and with a bare minimum of violence. Presumably Nuffle will punish both teams for that next game.

This puts me well in the lead on 6 points.

Div E: Anupshi Rises (DogPants, Khe) 1 - 1 Barebones Bareboners (Skydancer, Khe)

Division E's two Khemri teams face off for the penultimate game of the season. The cards are already on the table - the Bareboners need a good win to avoid relegation on goal difference, and Anupshi Rises need at least a draw or face a similar tie-break to win the division.

The first half begins with the Barebones Bareboners receiving, and as is to be expected for a game between two fighting teams things become attracted into a mass of brawling players. By mid half it looks like things might turn around when an Anupshi Blitz-Ra and retinue swing around behind and get hands on the ball carrier. The ball gets loose, but the Bareboners recover. The overexertion by the defenders causes a gap to open and the Bareboners' 4ST Thro-Ra hammers through. He isn't fast enough though, and a blitzing Tomb Guardian sends him crowd surfing. The ball is sent back onto the pitch, landing deep in the Barebones half where the flanking BLitz-Ra is lazily circling. With most players bunched up in a barney on the sideline he makes a go of it, and for his audacity Nuffle awards him with an AG2 pickup, four successful GFIs, and a touchdown. The trailing Bareboners, on the other hand, are smacked down for attempting their own defensive GFIs.

The second half starts badly for the Bareboners. The offence weight their line heavily by placing two Tomb Guardians on the left field, and the ball happens to land right behind them. Capitalising on the advantage, Anupshi Rises cage up and hit hard. Things grind back down though, Khemri not being famous for their speed and agility, and in a mirror of the first half the game turns into a knot of violence. Coach Skydancer is heard to comment "I've never seen so many players in such a small area". A particularly successful round of blocks sees the offence barred mainly by prone figures, so in an attempt at something vaguely tactical the Anupshi ball carrier slips across the field with a two skeleton escort. At first the defence struggles to react, desperately backpedaling to get players behind the ball, but the running game is not what Khemri teams excel at. It takes a little while, but the attacking run is swamped by defenders and the ball carrier is brought down well short of the touchline, the ball bouncing out of play. When it returns it lands mere yards from the Barebones touchline, and a scramble ensues. The Barebones win, and the rest of the half is taken up by a dramatic dash almost the entire length of the field as the ref winds up to blow the whistle. The Anupshi players are tied up, and an ambitious block and dodge by the defenders' last skeleton fails miserably. With the ball carrier sprinting full tilt the result is in the hands of Nuffle, four GFIs and one reroll. The hefty Thro-Ra crosses the touchline as the ref draws his breath to blow the whistle, and the game ends a spectacular draw.

Coach Dog Pants enters the tomb office of the pharaowners strutting with confidence. His smile fades, however, when he notices an extra figure. The ball goblin from the final game is sat to one side of the table greedily counting half the team's winnings. Realising the futility of arguing superior tactics over blatant cheating, the coach retreats with his tail between his legs, grateful for the promotion which has yet again saved him from being buried alive with his growing collection of cats.

Season 18 has ended with the following positions, 5punk-bowl (eew) fans!

Division E
Dog Pants - Anupshi Rises (Khe): 7
Rakysh - The Phantom Menace (Nec): 4
DeekyFun - Dandy-Lions (HElf): 4
Skydancer - Barebone Bareboners (Khe): 1

A promotion for me, probably into Div 4. This is the outer territory of the big boys - the league admins and veteran players. I may start getting battered soon and hit an equilibrium, but we'll see what the new fixtures bring - I have a full team sheet and a few handy skills.

Division 8
Walrus - Royal Pharahos (Khe): 9
Eard - Team Demolition (Cha): 6
MrJoose - Wat Ball (Ogr): 3
cyberpunkdreams - Black Bombers (Gob): 0

As we can see, Joose survived relegation thanks to a Goblin team in the division. That's not to detract from Joose - Ogres are just as hard to play, and he finished higher than I did in my first season. Down in the bilges of the league entire divisions can be promoted due to dropouts and teams on hold. The last victory has given Wat Ball a much needed cash injection with which to replenish after some heavy losses early in the season, and once those ogres get their arses into gear they're going to be a mean team to face. Worth noting is that another of the 'hard' teams, Vampires, has won the league previously.

Oh, and if anyone else is thinking of joining now is the time.

Anuphi Rises (KHE, Dog Pants) 1 - 0 The Phantom Menace (NEC, Rakysh)

The two teams of (mostly) dead things line up in the pouring rain for the second time in two seasons. Anupshi Rises win the toss and choose to kick, dropping the ball conveniently to a Ghoul. The Phantom Menace surge forward and an eager Werewolf opens the first half by stealing the kicking skeleton's femur, which he carries round for a little while, leaving the skele in the injured dugout and with a permanent limp. Meanwhile the Ghoul-on-the-ball heads in the other direction. The Khemri move to plug gaps as fights erupt, when suddenly the ball carrier breaks left and passes off to the Werewolf, who chooses the ball over the leg bone and bolts for the touchline. He makes it to within a yard of his goal, but is brought down by a Blitz-Ra. Anupshi take the ball and make it back to the half way line before the other Werewolf breaks the ball loose again, which lands out of bounds. When the ball is returned it settles on the Phantom Menace touchline (the bribed ball-boy strikes again). The two teams race to retrieve it, with the Khemri untangling themselves from the melee first. As the last seconds tick away Anupshi's veteran Thro-Ra slides around in the mud trying to pick up the ball. He ingloriously jumps on it after it slides over the line for an ugly last second touchdown.

The second half begins as the last ended, with the champ Thro-Ra dropping the ball. The Phantom Menace cannon forward after the loose ball, and a brawl erupts in the defenders' half. Anupshi Rises' rookie Thro-Ra pulls an astonishing play, sweeping the ball up from under the nose of a Ghoul, which he then punches before fleeing to a protective cage. The possession doesn't last long before the ball is free again. The ensuing brawl follows the ball, moving this way and that, until a Phantom Menace fumble sees the ball skip from clumsy player to clumsy player, travelling all the way to the back of the melee on the Necromantic side. A Thro-Ra breaks from the pack in a similar fashion to the first half, escorted by a pair of Tomb Guardians. Not to be put off by two hulking, ancient corpses though, a plucky Werewolf hammers the ball carrier out from between them. As both teams converge on the ball for another fight the whistle blows.

A very even match which could have easily ended differently, but proved hugely entertaining for both coaches due to the amount of Nuffle dished out.

Anupshi Rises (KHE, Dog Pants) 1 - 2 Brewery Management (DWA, Alini)

The game starts in the pouring rain with the Brewery Management on the offensive. Things start well for the visitors when their Troll Slayer on the wing frenzies a Blitz-Ra into the crowd. The Dwarves cage up for a push down their right field, but make little progress against the Tomb Guardian bolstered defence. However, as the ball carrier slips sideways to centre field Brewery Management KOs two Tomb Guardians in a row, leaving the Anupshi Rises defence badly lacking muscle. Unperturbed, the remaining Blitz-Ra follows the ball and sacks the Dwarf Runner before being dog-piled for charging in unsupported and joining the Tomb Guardians in the KO box. Recovering the ball again the Dwarves now surge down their left field in horse. The Khemri defenders, now four players down, manage to hold back the cage, but the Runner breaks out and crosses the touchline as shortly before the end of the half to leave the game 1-0 to Brewery Management.

The clouds part and the Bloodweiser Babes recover the entire Khemri KO box, presumably by pouring the beer over them, in time for them to form up against a solid wall of hardened Dwarves doing what they do best - standing firm. Fresh from the humiliation of leaving the pitch, one of the Tomb Guardians pokes the formerly offending Troll Slayer in the eye, the bony digit doing enough damage to send the Dwarf off on a stretcher. Pushing against the defenders' line, Anupshi Rises manage to lever open the gap left by the Troll Slayer and create a channel down their right flank. With a corridor made of players on one side and the sideline on the other, the ball carrying Thro-Ra squeezes up the side of the pitch and well into the opposition half. As the Dwarves scramble to respond the rest of the Khemri hurl themselves into the mix in order to bog down any defensive move, and the Thro-Ra breaks for the touchline to score.
When the game begins again it is looking unlikely that either side have the time to score again, but the attacking Dwarves make a hard push. Bowing in the defence on one side, a runner dashes for clear space on the opposition side and the ball carrier goes for a pass. The crowd gasps in astonishment as the ball is plucked from the air... by none other than a Tomb Guardian. If the corpse had been drawing breath no doubt he would have gasped in astonishment too. Not one to be put off by the alien feeling of holding a ball, the Khemri blocker starts to shuffle as quickly as he can towards the touchline. A Thro-Ra and Blitz-Ra manage to race to his aid, but it isn't enough to stop the Dwarves falling back to envelop the group. As the seconds tick away the lanky undead pulls back his arm for another astonishing play, and to a cry of "ELFBALL!" from the crowd drops it at his feet. Brewery Management race to make a final attempt at scoring in the closing seconds. In an ironic demonstration of how Elfball should be played the ball is recovered and hurried downfield to be handed off to a Runner. Relaying the ball over the halfway line he makes a short pass which is received by another runner who had used the chaos at the other end of the pitch. The whistle hangs from the Ref's mouth in shock as he and everyone else watches the final Runner hurl himself over the touchline to put the last touch to a play which took the ball three quarters of the length of the pitch and on to score, leaving the final result a thrilling 2-1 to Brewery Management.

A bit of a hard end to the season, conceding to a triple dodge and pick-up by an Orc Blitzer, and then having my heroic last minute sprint brought down due to yet another orc dodge. I swear they were elves painted green. Still, ultimately it doesn't affect my position and I remain in place this season.

Bishi Bashi Speshal (ORC, Desvergeh) 1 - 1 Anupshi Rises (KHE, Dog Pants)

The visitors win the toss and opt for a slow offence, receiving the ball and feinting to their left. As the Orcs shift to match the drive the Khemri slip right and drive up the flank. The defenders respond without much trouble, slowing the drive down and squeezing it against the sideline, before Anupshi Rises see a weak spot in the bulge and break through into the centre of the field with a healthy cage. Bishi Bashi Speshal again drop onto the attack and go some way to penetrating the cage, but the draw of the brawl proves too much for the orcs and the ball carrying Blitz-Ra breaks free to sprint up the right again. A line of Orcs manages to get ball side, but with a Tomb Guardian escort the Khemri runner blitzes through the last man to score close to the end of the half. Extra time called on the half gives Bishi Bashi Speshal a glimpse of their own touchdown after a rapid pass and run involving the team goblin, but the whistle blows as the entire cage is enveloped on three sides.

The second half starts with something more for fans of ball handling as the Orcs move around to achieve position behind their front line, spreading the Khemri defenders across the pitch. Suddenly bolting through the less defended left field, the BBS's fearsome +ST Blitzer crashes for the touchline with a Black Orc running interference. The Khemri backpedal in a desperate attempt to get men behind the ball, and manage to slow down the charge enough to catch the Blitzer alone with a charging Tomb Guardian, knocking the runner over and the ball loose. As players from both teams close in, though, the plucky Orc breaks character in the face of the lumbering corpse trapping the ball against the sideline, and dodges through him to swipe the ball and saunter home for an equaliser.
Restarting with Anupshi Rises on the offensive, and once again the Orcs' lack of a kicker takes its toll, placing the ball into the hands of a Blitz-Ra for the second time. With scarce minutes on the clock the offence run a relatively fast cage up the right field, which the Orcs easily sap the momentum from and threaten to end the game with a brawl and a draw. Pulling back slightly the Blitz-Ra hands off to the veteran Thro-Ra, and with a last push breaking a path he sprints well into the Orc half, a fireball from the crowd covering his escape. A lone orc lineman manages to break free of the melee to catch the Thro-Ra and brings him down, and the game ends a draw.

Coach Dog Pants stands nervously before the Pharaowners, aware that despite moderate success the team's takings are down. Last season's confidence ebbs away surprisingly quickly when facing the veteran teams of the higher leagues it seems, and his position looks suddenly more unstable. He leaves the stuffy tomb alive for another season, but with a threat ringing in his ears; should the buried coffers run dry of gold they will instead be filled with sand, and one live coach.

Oh yeah, the division standings were:

Alini - Brewery Management (Dwa): 7
Dog Pants - Anupshi Rises (Khe): 4
Rakysh - The Phantom Menace: 4
Desvergeh - Bishi Bashi Speshal (Orc): 1

I'm not entirely sure if the middle part is accurate, as Rakysh had a better goal difference than me, but I think it's based on casualties first so I might have been on top. It doesn't matter anyway, both teams stay up, although I believe that the Necros are taking a break this season.

Interesting times in the RPS Divisions of Death. The powers that be (based on a vote) have decided to make the league more pyramidal in structure to make the grind to the top leagues shorter. The structure was a single championship at the top, then two parallel ranks of divisions below. Now we have the Championship, two Tier 1 divisions, then four parallel ranks in tiers. This means we have four tiers plus the Championship, although Tier 4 is pretty much just the new guys. All of which means my steady advance to Division 4/D (which took three promotions) has been wiped out and I'm mixed up with the bottom ranks again. Aside from the hollow feeling of having all my progress stripped away from me, I now may be facing up to fresh out of the box teams, which could prove nasty for them since I'm a TV1250ish fighting team. I disagreed with the move on the forums for the latter reason - new guys could end up facing off against the TV1400 monsters demoted from Div 3/C last season, get absolutely raped, and never play again. Still, I was in the majority and by battering newbies next season I should leap to Tier 2 hopefully. Very odd.

Anyhow, we'll wait and see with interest who my opponents are. Potentially I could be up against Joose's new Dwarf team.

Oh, I ended up in Tier 2 anyway due to dropouts. I'm going to get so battered this season;

Janek - Beasts of Bembridge (Nur)
Dog Pants - Anupshi Rises (Khe)
JayTee - The Dead Comic Society (Khe)
AgP - Agathis Avengers (WElf)

Well, I've played and beaten (I think) AgP before, so hopefully I can recreate that. Especially if the other teams batter him first. Another Khemri team is going to be a real grind, and I've not played Nurgle before but Janek is a veteran leaguer. Here goes Div A!

G'luck with the new set Doggers.

My poor Tomb Guardians. I'm happy with how I played against a much more experienced and skilled team, only conceding one touchdown, but the loss of one of my best players and another injured is really going to put me at a disadvantage for the rest of the season.

Div A: Beasts of Bembridge (NUR, Janek) 1 - 0 Anupshi Rises (KHE, Dog Pants)
The match begins with Anupshi Rises receiving, pushing up their right field and easing the Beasts of Bembridge away from the side line. The pressure proves too much though, squeezing the offence against the edge of the pitch, and the slippery Thro-Ras withdraw to quickly slip towards the left flank. With a reduced cage the ball carrier is blitzed and recovers, but the ball comes loose a second time as the Khemri make another push. With little lime left in the half an elf-ball pass to a skeleton is attempted with predictable results, the ball landing at the thrower's feet. As the Beasts close in the Thro-Ra dashes up field for a futile pass forward to get the ball into safety, fumbling again and allowing the Nurgle team to play a superb run and pass which falls short of glory only when a Pestigor fails a Go For It on the touchline. Before he can recover to score, the half time whistle blows.

The second half starts with a strong Beast cage assaulting the centre of the Khemri defence, the Beast of Nurgle injuring a Tomb Guardian in the process. The offence piles right for a strong drive down the edge of the field, but the ball carrier is blitzed by a loose Tomb Guardian who has worked around behind, slowing the attack to a brawl. This saps away the time before the Beasts recover the ball once more and break free of the melee. The defence looks like it may rally in time, but the marking Tomb Guardian is killed by a Warrior leaving only a lone Thro-Ra to try to stop the ball carrier. As his team mates teach the Khemri last man a lesson in when to use discretion, the Pestigor runs in an uncontested touchdown. With mere seconds left on the clock both teams cut their losses and step back for a brutal Beasts of Bembridge victory.

Div A: Anupshi Rises (KHE, Dog Pants) 0 - 2 Agathis Avengers (WELF, AgP)

The teams took to the field today in a rematch of a Div F game from several seasons back. The Khemri won that day, but a lot of time has passed. Both teams have suffered injuries and gained in experience. Anupshi Rises wins the toss and decides to receive, deciding it better to control the ball for as long as possible. Control not being the greatest Khemri strength, the rookie Thro-Ra immediately fumbles on pickup and allows the Wood Elves to stream through the line like Bugman's ale through a skeleton's ribcage. By the time the ball is taken of by the offence, they are defending in their own half and the temporary ball carrier is brought down by the opposition Wardancer. With the ratio of Khemri to Elves around 1:1 there could be only one result, and Agathis Avengers sweep the ball from under the long decayed noses of the disarrayed back line to score mere minutes into the game.
As the game restarts the Khemri have better luck, caging up quickly, while Nuffle's attention fully focusses on the Wood Elves. A mis-timed blow by the Tree Man leaves him injuring himself on the hardest part of the Skeleton scrimmage sandwich filler - his head. With the line now left wide open by the loss of the Big Guy, the offence exploit the gap and pile up the centre. Elves rush to fill the breach in Henry V style, with their dead, as another skeleton kills their mercenary lineman. As the Khemri approach the Avenger's touchline and the clock approaches half time a defender manages to crack the cage and knock the ball loose. After a little squabble the Elves take control and shuttle the ball back down field with the velocity and style Wood Elves are famous for. The ball carrier catches and turns in what looks almost certain to be a second touchdown, only to be smashed into the ground by a flying Tomb Guardian. As the whistle blows the coaches untangle the dazed players.

The Avengers line up two men down for the second half and make an early blitz into the left and centre field. This is rewarded with a studiously prepared chain block which leaves their only Wardancer buried in the crowd. Nevertheless, the Wood Elves perform a perfect demonstration of Elf-ball, with a pass and run play starting from where the ball landed at kick off and ending just behind the Anupshi goal line for a very quick second half touchdown.
Despite the likelihood of a Khemri team scoring twice in the remaining time, Anupshi Rises pile down their left sideline in an attempt to claw back a score of their own. They rumble down the edge of the pitch like a steamroller and by the time the Elven defences break its momentum the carrying Thro-Ra is within breaking distance of the line, and break he does. As he approaches, and with any nearby defenders marked, a touchdown is looking possible. Until a lightning bolt streaks out of the crowd and sends him sprawling onto the line sans ball. A loose ball is, as always, the domain of the Elves, and a lineman picks it up for a long pass to a goal-hanging colleague. However, the unlikely dramatics of the half aren't over yet despite the ref raising his whistle. Not to be outdone by a wizard, a fighting Tomb Guardian plucks the ball from the air in yet another outrageous TG interception. Feeling elf-like after his achievement, the ancient corpse reels back and launches the ball right back again. Alas, and inevitably, the ball misses its mark, but heartened by the ball actually getting airborne the Tomb Guardian leaves the pitch at full time with visions of of a past career where he too might have played for an elven team. Even mummified killers can dream.

Div A: Anupshi Rises (KHE, Dog Pants) 1 - 1 The Dead Comic Society (KHE, JayTee)

The penultimate fixture for Div A was a Khemri Vs Khemri slugfest, with the home team reeling from straight defeats all season, and the visitors on the cusp of promotion. The Comics received from kick-off and pushed a steady grinding cage down their left field, once the ball was picked up. A textbook Khemri play, the cage opened for the carrying Thro-Ra to spring out halfway into the defenders' half and a lone Anupshi skeleton in deep field wasn't enough to keep him from the line. The Dead Comic Society goes 1-0 up with only a quarter of the half remaining.
Aware of the need for a victory to hope to avoid relegation, Anupshi Rises quickly recover the ball from kick off and bolt a Blitz-Ra and Tomb Guardian through the defences. As the seconds tick away and with no hope of a running goal, the ball is shuttled up the pitch in Elf style, ending in an accurate pass to the goal-hanging Blitz-Ra. It wasn't to be, though, as in an even more unlikely event than the pass actually being caught, a Comic lineman found himself intercepting. Suddenly, and unfamiliarly, in possession of the ball, the Skeleton disappeared under a tangle of different coloured Khemri as the half time whistle was blown.

The second half starts with a cautious approach by Anupshi Rises, hanging around the back with the ball while the Comics pounded on the front lines. A gap opened up on the left field and the Thro-Ra pair edged towards it. As the Comics back players moved to plug the gap the Thro-Ras made a long running hand-off between them, slipping diagonally through a gap in the centre left by the Anupshi right flank falling back, and racing into the opposing right field. With a Tomb Guardian running interference and the defenders' response scattered the ball carrier looked unopposed, but as the lumbering Guardian collected the reacting Comic linemen a defending Blitz-Ra managed to make an extreme range blitz and pinned the running Thro-Ra to the sideline with only yards to go. By this point the ball carrier's Thro-Ra wingman had caught up to assist, and they pushed the Blitzer aside to run in an equaliser.
The Dead Comics had enough time to recover and score again before the final whistle, and they attacked in earnest down their left flank again. This cage wasn't as tight, and got bogged down just past the half way line. Seeing the chance of a driving touchdown diminishing, the Comic ball carrier crossed over to the sparsely populated right. With several defenders waiting deep for him the Thro-Ra had the decision of holding back in the safe shadow of a friendly Tomb Guardian, or making a desperate dash and risking a certain hit from several linemen and the huge star player Anupshi Rises had drafted in for the game. With promotion already won the safe option was taken, and a quick celebratory pass saw the game end a draw.

Coach Dog Pants approached the Pharaowners with rightful apprehension. They were cranky when promotion wasn't won, but he hadn't experienced their dismay at relegation yet. His fears were quite correct. With no chance of explanation the coach was cast into the team's tomb, sealed in with the injured Tomb Guardian from the first game. Fortunately for him no other coaches were forthcoming in the days he was buried, possibly due to rumours of his demise, and once again Coach Dog Pants was led sandy and blinking back into the sun to fight another season.

I'm not suprised you lost against the Wood Elves, but it's good you managed to avoid relegation by drawing against the other Khemri team.
Did you manage to kill many Elves in the end?

I didn't avoid relegation, I finished on 1 point and everyone else has 3 at least. With the new way they're working the leagues now though I expected to bounce up and down a few times between tier 2 & 3. I was punching above my weight in 2. I only killed one elf, and he was a merc on loan. Once those Tomb Guardians start getting Mighty Blow they'll start really hurting people though.

Oh, ah well, it's good experience anyway for your team. I suspect next season you'll probably end up coming top again.