Blood Bowl: Life in the Leagues

[Joose]

I'm considering something along the lines of "Whut Ball?" and I am determined to name one of my ogres Tinkerbell.

[Dog Pants]

Stinkerbell would be more apt.

[Dog Pants]

They're a team short for the bottom division if anyone fancies filling the bottom slot.

[HereComesPete]

They're a penis short for the bottom division if anyone fancies filling the slot.

Fixd.

Hey, you edititieted your post!

[Dog Pants]

Arses, I edited it wrong too. Oh well, I'll leave it at that for poster(ior)ity.

[buzzmong]

Hmm. Mebbe.

[Dog Pants]

Tonight's match was a landmark for Anupshi Rises. Playing Ulf's Raiders in a repeat of last season's first game, I managed to score a touchdown for a 1-1 draw.

It was a very entertaining game, with some crazy plays from both teams, some successful and most not. Since both sides are fighting teams there was a lot of violence, although nothing more than friendly knockouts and stuns (although one of my skellies was saved from death by the fact he was already dead to begin with). Both halves, though, ended with a desperate grasp for a goal - The Raiders' from a rather lucky (but beautifully ambitious) cross pass between two beastmen on turn 8, and mine from a balls-out, multiple go-for-it sprint, complete with a lucky skeleton on chaos warrior block on turn 16.

Very enjoyable, especially since coach Jlahnum is such a lovely chap, and my first ever touchdown (and non-loss result) in the league.

[Dog Pants]

A match report, written by my opponent.

Ulf's Marauders (Chaos) 1 vs. Anupshi Rises (Khemri) 1

The two brawlers of Division F met for the second time after a slugging match that left both team's bloolust unsatisfied in their first encounter last season in Division 7.

Ulf's Marauders chose to kick the ball and kicked to the mid-field hoping to push through quickly and possibly recover the ball before the Khemri did. Luck smiled on them and a quick blitz after the kick allowed them to get several players near where the ball was coming to a rest. They smashed aside the Khemri line and moved into position.

Anupshi Rises was having none of it they fired back, quickly KO'ing an incoming beastman and sending the first player of the game to the injury box. Their Throw-Ra managed to run up and get ahold of the ball and then caged up hoping to protect it from the onslaught of Beastmen rushing down the field.

A pile of defenders and offenders began brawling back and forth but a lucky blitz against the Throw-Ra sent the ball loose and allowed a Beastman to recover it and begin a solitary drive towards Anupshi's end. A Tomb Guardian quickly flattened the ball carrier sending it loose for a second time now deep in Anupshi's half. Anupshi Rises managed to get a Skeleton to pick up the ball and in a move of pure desperation attempted a pass past the charging Chaos line. Sadly the skeleton's throwing skills were not up to the task and although he managed to get it back to mid-field he was not able to complete the pass.

Time winding down in the first half Ulf's Marauders recovers the ball and attempts a desperate pass of their own which was fumbled by the Beastman who attempted the throw making it pop loose again and land just a few feet away. Undeterred the Beastman managed to grab the ball again and ran towards the end zone. Realizing he didn't have enough time to score himself he attempted a move to make a High Elf team gasp in wonder. He passed again this time over the remaining Anupshi rises defenders to an open Beastman who had planted himself right near the end zone. The ball sailed true and despite the desperate leap of several of Anupshi players they failed to intercept the ball. Tzeentch smiled on Ulf's Marauders as the ball landed in the receiver's hands and he ran it in at the last second to score 1-0 for Ulf's Marauders at half-time.

At the start of the second half a fan growing bored with the lack of injuries decides to throw a rock at a Tomb Guardian momentarily stunning the towering mummy. Ignoring this act of aggression from the stands Anupshi rises kicked the ball beautifully leaving it inside Ulf's own end zone and forcing the beastmen downfield to rush to get the ball in the hopes of running it all the way back up the field.

Ulf's Marauders recovered the ball and then hit the wall of Anupshi Rises defenders right at the line of scrimmage. The drive stalled here with neither side able to push the other back however, Anupshi rises managed to knock the ball loose and in a short scramble it appeared the Ulf's Marauders recovered the ball. In fact for a brief moment a Beastman was so convinced he had the ball he made a brilliant break away after being pushed out of the brawling pack of mummies, skeletons, and chaos warriors but as he ran down field he realized the ball was laying on the pitch and was not indeed in his hands.

Anupshi Rises quickly capitalized on the Chaos teams momentary lapse of sanity. They picked the ball up and after a brief struggle managed to break away from the melee at the line of scrimmmage and score themselves with seconds left on the clock ending the game 1-1.

Another fun game with Dog Pants with some amazing plays on both sides. My Beastman passing was a thing of beauty it was a pure desperation move but it paid off and I managed to score. Somehow in the second half I lost track of the ball and I was totally convinced my beastman had it. Through what I thought was some clever blocks and maneuvering I pushed him free of the main melee at the line and had him break out in a run for Dog Pant's end. Imagine my shock when I see the ball left behind on the pitch and my now pointless beastman rushing for the end zone. Dog Pants got a quick score off of that and that ended a really fun game between us. It's the second time I've played him and I enjoyed both games thoroughly. Good luck to him against the squishier elves that make up the rest of our division.

[Dog Pants]

A surprise game tonight, playing the High Elven Dandy-Lions, coached by DeekyFun. Poor old Deeky had some terrible luck and seemed to enjoy leaving players on the ground, but an elegant elven dash held me to a draw in a game dominated by my slow, crushing cages;

Anupshi Rises (DogPants, Khe) 1 - 1 Dandy-Lions (DeekyFun, HElf)

Match day brings perfect Blood Bowl weather, but as the teams line up the Dandy-Lions soon realise that the sun doesn't shine in the home team's crypt. The High Elves start with a safe kick to the centre of the Khemri half which sets off a slow grind of a push up the left side of the field, the defenders doing more damage to themselves than the cage after a run of astonishing bad luck - three all-skulls in five turns, despite rerolls. A brief dash forward by the offence is slowed down again by a nimble Elven response, but as the end of the half drew close the Khemri smashed a hole in the defence. The Anupshi Thro-Ra stumbled over the line for the first touchdown, as the crowd celebrated by injuring the unfortunate Elven lineman who was shoved off the pitch in the dash.
The remainder of the half was spent productively fighting, injuring a player on each side.

The second half began with a deep kick to the Dandy-Lions and a violent push by the offence. The High Elves streamed through the defensive line to take several catching positions while their thrower easily picked up the ball and moved into position. As the Khemri scramble to mark the defenders the thrower pulls back a long throw, then drops it at his feet. Capitalising on this fumble, a wall of skeletons surge towards the ball, but despite being flattened by a Blitzer the plucky thrower hoists himself up, retrieves the ball, and makes a beautiful pass to an unmarked lineman. Wasting no time, the elf sails over the line before the defence can even react.
A short kick sees Anupshi Rises quickly cage the ball for another offensive drive, and the game devolves into a brawl as the Lions successfully hold and break up the attacking cage on the half way line. With scant seconds left on the clock a gap is made and the Thro-Ra makes a desperate sprint for the line, while the rest of the Khemri team block the Elves in. Despite this, a couple of defenders break out and quickly catch the runner, bringing him down hard enough to knock him out. The scrappy fighting, however, has left none of the High Elves close enough to the touchline to take advantage of the loose ball, and the final whistle blows before it can be retrieved.

[Roman Totale]

How does the table sit now?

[Dog Pants]

The other two teams have a game in hand, so might not stay second for long, but if I beat the top team next game I think I've got it in the bag. I also got at least two player promotions (about fucking time, half my team were on 5 SPP) and enough gold to buy a third Tomb Guardian. I did get an injury (-1 Speed, leaving him on 4) on a skeleton, but he can sit as a sub or on the line of scrimmage at a push.

Agathis Avengers - WElf: 3
Anupshi Rises - Khe: 2
Ulf's Marauders - Cha: 1
Dandy-Lions - HElf: 1

[Dog Pants]

My last game got validated at last leaving me with enough money to buy a third Tomb Guardian, and with two skill ups. A lucky roll means my Thro-Ra now has 3 AGI, making him as agile as a normal person and the only player on the team with a reasonable chance of picking up the ball. The other went to a Tomb Guardian, which resulted in a more mundane roll and the Mighty Blow skill. As well as making him more proficient at fellatio, it means those crunching blocks he puts on the other team will be that little bit more painful. All this combines to suddenly make me much more competitive, and hopefully will have a domino effect - I've been unlucky so far in that all my SPPs have been spread out among my players, but they're reaching saturation point now where half the team are only a point or two away from levelling up.

To explain what I mean by validated; every game in the league must be validated by one of the admins before the results take effect and changes can be made. While an inconvenience having to wait for nearly a week, it means all scores can be checked for fairness (not a big problem anyway) and defaulted results from disconnections can be cancelled and the game replayed (somewhat more of a problem, although never for me).

[Joose]

I really must get back into this. When does the next season start?

[Dog Pants]

Off the top of my head I'd say about two weeks, but sign up in advance.

[Dog Pants]

My first win tonight. My opponent, AgP, had pretty bad luck with the injury rolls and took himself out four times. He managed none of the dodging plays I've had problems with in the past, and that allowed me to grind him down with pure violence. By the time he recovered his mojo he didn't have enough players to keep out of my way.

Anupshi Rises (Khe, DogPants) 2 - 1 Agathis Avengers (WElf, AgP)

The final match of division F is lined up with the top spot still up for grabs from three teams and no real indication of which way things will go. The Wood Elves of Agathis Avengers receive the first kick, effortlessly recovering the ball but failing to breach the Khemri line. Capitalising on containing the Elves, one of the Tomb Guardians opens the Anupshi Rises play by injuring an Elven lineman. A few catchers manage to seep through the line, but the fight takes its toll with another Avenger lineman picking up an injury when trying to block his way through. Without the Elven distraction tactic of their runners behind the opposition line it wasn't long before one of the Anupshi Blitz-Ras managed to circumvent the besieged Elves around the ball carrier and knock him to the ground on the half way line. The ball remains loose as the Khemri Thro-Ra runs forward from the rear, but Agathis Avengers sweep it back up without trouble. The delay has been enough for Anupshi Rises to flood the area though, and the recovering Elven thrower is immediately put back down by the arm of a lurching Tomb Guardian. This time the Thro-Ra is in position, recovers the ball and sets off unsupported towards the touchline. The fast elves, tied up with skeletons, break out a lineman to sack the escaping Thro-Ra, but bad luck strikes again and the Elf injures himself in the process. With the rest of the team diminished and tied up in brawls the Khemri's most (and only) agile player cruises over the line to score.

The second half sees a bloodied Agathis Avengers facing up to their opponents, down to eight players against a fighting team. To add insult to injury, the clouds part to reveal glaring sunshine, further hindering their throwing game. Anupshi Rises have no such concern, and they march their ball carrier up the short staffed left field while the Wood Elves are tied up from their deployment on the right. Picking up defenders, the cage moves towards the touchline like a mummy pursuing its victim, and while the defenders react quickly with the agility of an elven team, they can only slow the attackers' advance. As the cage gets squeezed towards the sideline by a concerted effort of Elves, spearheaded by their Wardancer, the Khemri use their greater numbers to envelop them as the ball carrier and his escorts edge past. With mere yards for the Thro-Ra to travel and a defending cage, the Elves make a last push. Hurling herself at the skeletal ball carrier, over the top of his escorts, the unlucky Wardancer only succeeds in landing heavily and injuring herself. The Thro-Ra steps over her to score.
With very little time on the clock the teams line up to brawl the rest of the game away. In a superb twist of fate, however, an extremely short kick leaves the ball in the hands of an Elven catcher on the centre line. Facing off against the weak Thro-Ra Agathis Avengers are suddenly presented with a last-ditch opportunity to score. The Wood Elves rally a precision attack which opens up the Anupshi right flank, and while the defenders are tied up fighting on the line of scrimmage, injuring another lineman, the plucky catcher runs hell for leather towards the touchline. A lone Blitz-Ra almost catches the runner, his outstretched bony fingers brushing the Elf's armour, but as the referee puts the whistle to his lips the catcher streaks across the line to claw back a brilliant touchdown and a respectable scoreline.

The second season ends far more favourably in promotion for Coach DogPants, and the team's pharaowners retract their threats of a live burial. The rest of the coaching staff, particularly, are relieved - since Anupshi Rises could have finished bottom of the division they had already been interred in preparation. They gleefully claw their way out of the sand, chanting "Hoo-ray Anupshi Rises!"

[Dog Pants]

And here's how the final table looks. Season finishes this weekend, so the next one will probably start middle to end of next week if anyone is interested.

Dog Pants - Anupshi Rises (Khe) - 5
jlahnum - Ulf's Marauders (Cha) - 4
DeekyFun - Dandy-Lions (HElf) - 4
AgP - Agathis Avengers (WElf) - 3

If AgP had won that game our positions would have been reversed. If we'd draw then, depending on goal difference, Jlahnum might have won the promotion. A very dramatic ending to the season.

[buzzmong]

So, you not only won the game, but the season? Nicely done Doggers!

[HereComesPete]

Congo rats doggers!

Thro-Ra goin' to the big leagues baby! Boom!

[Dog Pants]

The +1 agility I got for him has helped massively.

[FatherJack]

Your writeup suggests the score was 2-1, or did the elves not score before the whistle?

Grats, though - I told you it would be glorious - quite a nail-biter the league, there.