Blood Bowl: Life in the Leagues

[Dr. kitteny berk]

Thirded

[deject]

Electric Light Ogrestra

[fabyak]

[Roman Totale]

Electric Light Ogrestra

Mr Blue Try

[Dog Pants]

Nearly missed this game, it slipped by me and the season ended tonight. Glad I got it in though, it was tense and enjoyable.

Div J: The Dead Rascals (Nec, DarthZombie) 2 - 1 Thunderbox Scramblers (Gob, Dog Pants)

The Dead Rascals kick off the season's late fixture with all to play for, and get off to a good start by blitzing their opposition and placing a werewolf right under the ball before it lands. The Thunderbox Scramblers respond and take the plucky wolf down, stealing the ball back and hiding behind one of their trolls. The Necros hold the goblins but can't break the cage, and the stalemate breaks after a little while when the goblin ball carrier panics and makes a run for it. He doesn't get far, and when he falls over a werewolf is there to pick up the ball. The new ball carrier moves around the side of the cluster of players and picks up a couple of escorts. The goblin fanatic manages to burst in on the semi-cage, and while he fails to stop the advance he does slow it enough for his teammates to get in and gang-sack the wolf. The greenskins fail to capitalise on the loose ball though, and the rest of the half turns into an acute lesson in how not to play Blood Bowl as both teams repeatedly fail to pick up the ball.

The Scramblers kick off for the second half by punting the ball into the crowd and the Rascals use the free ball to quickly cage up and push down the right flank. The goblins prove mostly ineffective against the attack and with attrition getting worse they try a last ditch effort to get the ball by putting their whole defence into the cage. The Necromantics' Flesh Golem cage makes short work of them, and the werewolf escapes the lone standing troll to race in a mid-half touchdown.
The Rascals kick short for their defence where the goblins take up the ball and shuttle it to a speedy teammate near the centre line. Despite a thrown rock KOing one troll the second manages to lob the ball carrier half way down the pitch, and the goblin ball carrier nips past a ghoul to make a lightning touchdown.
Kicking again, the Scramblers drop the ball at the back of the pitch in the hope of seeing out the game for a draw. The Rascals get their ghouls to collect as a werewolf races forward. The goblins spring forward and manage to make it to the ghouls, bringing the ball carrier down but unable to collect the ball. The Necros recover again and race the ball to the other half after a quick handoff to the other werewolf. A few goblin defenders are near enough to stop him, but the first one trips as he tries to mark and the wolf is left to score unopposed.
With mere seconds left everyone expects an attempted gobbo throw touchdown, and the Scramblers' formation makes it clear they'll try to oblige. The ball is kicked off pitch and given to the waiting goblin projectile, the Rascals waiting in a line to catch him. They're left disappointed though, as the troll drops the player and the final whistle blows.

Coach Dog Pants returns to the village amid celebrations. Not only did the Thunderbox Scramblers survive the season, they actually managed to win a game more or less legitimately. The fat chief is sitting out by the camp fire and he vigorously shakes the coach's hand, grinning disturbingly. Nothing seems to come of it, and the coach settles in for the energetic goblin party, taking some of the thankfully unidentified meat he is offered and fending off a flood of requests to join the team. The best thing about goblins, he thinks to himself, are their low expectations.

[Dog Pants]

Hah! Oh dear, my team are matched against the league's other goblin team. That'll probably be a messy game, especially since the team is more mature and coach is a veteran. Orcs and Norse make up the others, which could mean pain. Mind you, what doesn't mean pain for a goblin team?

Joose's Maximum Ogredrive, on the other hand, are matched against a Nurgle, a Delf, and a Lizard team.

[buzzmong]

Gobbos vs gobbos should make for quite the match to see.

[Dog Pants]

I feel I was a little unlucky here and could maybe have scraped a draw, but on the other hand I survived with only a single MNG from what was most likely going to be the most violent match of the season. A good, if fairly unremarkable game. The touchdown I got was so outrageous I was laughing out loud. That's what makes goblins worth playing.

Div E: Thunderbox Scramblers (Gob, Dog Pants) 1 - 3 Kings of the Northmen (Nor, Groovychainsaw)

The Kings of the Northmen opt receive for the first kick, taking a touchback and piling down the left flank. They make fast progress as they smash the flimsy goblin defence out of the way. The Thunderbox Scramblers manage to regroup enough to gang up on one corner of the cage and make contact with the call carrying Werewolf, but the lycanthrope simply uses the goblin as a focus for his frenzy and crashes onwards. By the time the touchline is within striking distance there is only a single goblin left standing behind the ball, and the wolf walks the first point in.
The trolls edge sideways on the Scramblers' line of scrimmage, making it clear that they are going to try to throw in a teammate in an attempt at a quick equaliser before the end of the half. The Norse kick the ball wide, handing back to the gobbo projectile, and the troll launches him wide. For a brief moment it looks like he might land in the crowd, but the greenskin finds his feet right on the line. Against the odds he slips by the Werewolf guarding the flank and flails over the line, making the score even.

The second half starts with the Goblins trying for a repeat airborne touchdown, but this time the play ends with the ball carrier flat on his face in the middle of the opposing half. The ball is quickly recovered by the Kings who then proceed to set about the diminished goblin side. The ball carrier hurries down the undefended right flank with no resistance as his teammates thrash the surviving Scramblers, and he trots a second touchdown over the line.
Predictable as it is, the remaining six players receiving the ball from the goblins make another attempt at a lobbed gob touchdown. Despite a long kick by the Kings, the ball is just barely shuttled to the projectile-to-be, and the troll hefts him half heartedly over the defence. Well short and inexpertly thrown, the goblin crashes again. A Norse Berserker quickly takes up the ball and sprints up the right field. A lone goblin makes an attempt to catch him but sprawls in his wake just before contact. The Norse cage smashes onwards while the few remaining Scramblers scuttle around them trying to hold the offensive back, but the ball is sauntered in for another touchdown to the sound of crunching gobbos.
With little time on the clock the Scramblers make one final touchdown attempt, but the ball is too wide and the pogoer fails to pick it up. The Kings occupy the rest of the game by kicking a few greenskins about. In a last piece of showboating the Norse run forward for a pass from the ground by the pogoer, but the Scramblers get the last laugh as he intercepts it.

[buzzmong]

Well, it's more SPP though right?

[Dog Pants]

It is, but no levels from this game. TD went to a lv2 with Jump Up, MVP to a lvl2 with Side Step.

[Joose]

My ogres just had their first game. It went almost as expected, with the Ogres being rubbish and hilarious. What was less expected is that it wasnt a total drubbing, with a final score of 3-1 to the other guys DElves. What's even more exciting is that one of my Ogres has levelled up already. What is frankly astonishing is that I took no permanent losses amongst my tiny green naked mans, despite my having thrown one of them clear into the crowd.

Surprisingly positive, even though it was a loss.

[Dog Pants]

A surprisingly tactical game, all things considered. Very much a mirror too, with both of us pretty much following the same approach in our respective halves.

Div E: Thunderbox Scramblers (Gob, Dog Pants) 1 - 1 Black Bombers (Gob, Cyberpunkdreams)

Division E's hotly anticipated all-goblin play-off gets started to torrential rain as the Thunderbox Scramblers kick off. The Black Bombers make no mistakes in collecting the ball despite the rain, caging the ball carrier and moving down the right field. The violence begins in an unexpected manner when one of the Bombers' goblins KOs one of the Scramblers' trolls. As the Bombers' cage starts to come into range of the Scramblers' touchline, the home gobbos pounce on the cage en-masse. The Bombers pile in too, and repel the attack. With most of the defenders tied up, the ball carrier streaks across the pitch to open ground with a single escort in tow. A pair of Scramblers intercept, and the carrier is sacked by the Scramblers' pogoer. More Bombers arrive to support and quickly outnumber the Scramblers, forcing them away from the ball and taking their time picking it up. When they're sure it's safe the Bombers' best goblin takes the ball and steps it over the line.
With time only for a gobbo-throw touchdown the Scramblers take a little time to try to inflict some casualties, with limited success. They carry the ball up to a receiver waiting by his troll, but the slippery ball is dropped during the hand-off.

The rain continues as the Black Bombers kick a long, high ball right to the Scrambers' touchline. A gobbo gets under it and can't keep hold, but the scattering ball lands off the pitch and is given to him anyway. With plenty of room to manoeuvre, the Thunderbox Scramblers push their trolls up both sides of the pitch, hoping to split the defence. The Bombers don't fall for it and concentrate on the troll-heavy left, where the ball is taken nonetheless. A heavy cage pushes up the Scramblers' left flank, but despite the thick defence a lucky Bomber gets in and injures the ball carrier. A little fighting on the busy sideline sees the ball knocked out of play, being thrown in on the opposite side of the pitch near the Scramblers' right flanking troll and his handler. The Scramblers recover and dash towards the centre of the pitch to form a light cage while the Bombers are still untangling themselves from the earlier squabble. As the cage reaches the touchline the Bombers' pogoer almost gets a hit on the ball carrier, but in the end can't stop the Scramblers from casually walking the ball over the line, in an almost symmetrical touchdown to the first half.
The game ends as another mirror of the first half, with the Bombers lining up for a thrown gobbo touchdown, but the game ends on their goblin failing to pick the ball up.

[Dog Pants]

A slightly frustrating game tonight, but still pretty fun. I started with some fucking awful rolls, and the orc cage was pretty much impenetrable, which Jcloth used to his advantage by delaying as much as possible. A valid, but frustrating, tactic for a bashy team.

Div E: Jclofz Boyz (Orc, Jcloth) 2 - 1 Thunderbox Scramblers (Gob, Dog Pants)

The game begins with Jclofz Boyz kicking the ball off the end of the pitch, and the Thunderbox Scramblers start their drive with one of the trolls punching himself. The Boyz advance slowly in line as the goblins fall back, and then move to surround the loitering ball carrier. With much of the orc team in the their half, the goblins break through the line to rush forward, but as the ball carrier reaches the centre line for a hand-off he falls. The ball lands near a couple of orcs, who quickly cage it without picking up, and the goblins only succeed in hurting themselves as they try to recover it. The ball is taken up by the Boyz and shuffled towards the line, unfazed by the futile goblin attempts at harassing them, and score not long before the end of the half.
The orc kick lands the ball next to the rearward pogoer, but the opportunity for a quick recovery is wasted as he bungles the pickup. The orcs hit the goblin line, but the ball is swept up and hurried to a waiting troll-handler. The troll launches the gobbo halfway down the pitch, who lands on his feet and just about sprints over the line before the orcs can respond.
The third kick of the half sees the orcs pushing forward while their thrower recovers the ball and shelters behind a hulking black orc. The Scrambers' fanatic, along with a troll, manage to clear a path to the thrower, and he finds himself surrounded by goblins. Meanwhile the pair of burly blitzers waiting to receive a throw are hit by a lobbed bomb and then marked too. The thrower tries to break loose for a long-shot throw, but can't clear the crowd of goblins and the half ends with him in the injury box and the ball on the grass.

The Scramblers start the second half by punting the ball off the side of the pitch, and the ball is passed to a black orc on the right wing. The Boyz push forward steadily, herding the depleted goblins whose loony manages to kill himself on his own chainsaw while running (important safety tip there). The Boyz cause further casualties as they slowly grind onwards, and one goblin tries to get himself thrown into the cage in desperation. The plan backfires as the troll eats him, and the rest of the Scramblers simply bounce off the orcs for most of the remaining half until the black orc eventually ambles over the line.
The goblins take the dying seconds of the game to try for a thrown gobbo equaliser, but the projectile lands flat on his face and the ref ends the game.

The Thunderbox Scramblers make the short journey home, a slightly less celebratory atmosphere for the two fallen teammates they carry with them. However, when the village welcome them things soon pick up as everyone gets a few freshly chainsawed cuts of meat. The fat chief looks knowingly at Coach Dog Pants. "A draw! Good game, good season. You win next, yes?"
"One step at a time" assures the coach. "First things first, have you any more players?"

[Dog Pants]

A close game despite the figures, which show one dead and at least four injured. Norse seem to really cause me damage, but I got a good few hits in back, and even caused an injury myself. Pretty satisfying, but with a little more luck (not failing a TTM in the second half) I could maybe have won, or certainly drawn.

Div E: Marriage Potential (Nor, Shards) 2 - 1 Thunderbox Scramblers (Gob, Dog Pants)

The Thunderbox Scramblers kick off the game with a long drop to the Marriage Potential touchline. The Norse respond as a machine of precise violence, recovering the ball and taking out one troll and the Fanatic before caging up and storming down the middle of the pitch. The remaining troll and a supporting goblin managed to make contact for a little while, slowing the advance briefly, but Marriage Potential are relentless. As the ball carrier starts to get near to the line a lone goblin dives into the cage and floors him. His remaining colleagues try to bog the Norse down as time starts to slip away, but are beaten back. A Were picks up the ball and runs it in for a late half touchdown.

The Scramblers receive at the beginning of the second half and quickly make a textbook team-mate throw touchdown from the left wing, the ball being pogoed up from the back of the field and the goblin projectile landing perfectly and on his feet to jog over the line.
With most of the half left to win back their lead, the Norse cage the ball carrier behind the line of scrimmage off the back of an out of bounds kick. The Scramblers respond by assaulting with a thrown bomb, a thrown goblin, and several charging markers. They break up the cage but Marriage Potential manage to keep the ball, if not in the original hands. The Norse cage manages to drive forward a little but is harassed by the goblins and progress is slow. A lucky hit results in a gobbo sacking the ball and stealing it, leading to a sequence of blitzes and recoveries by both sides. Eventually the ball ends up in a brawl on the sideline, and the superior fighting skill of the Norsemen makes short work of the greenskins. With very little time left the Norse grab the ball and brush aside the few remaining gobbos to dash in a last second winning touchdown.

[Dog Pants]

Tonight's game was the most enjoyable I've played in ages. Despite a significant loss, two deaths, terrible luck, and several injuries, it was great. Chillydusk's pink Chaos team are a thing of beauty, and he was clearly as much concerned about having an enjoyable game as he was winning. At one point we even had a faux bet on the outcome of a spot of goblin bowling.

Div E: Chaotic and Fabulous (Cha, Chillydusk) 2 - 0 Thunderbox Scramblers (Gob, Dog Pants)

Chaotic and Fabulous opt to receive, their front line immediately knocking out both of the Thunderbox Scramblers' regular trolls, leaving only Ripper to take the punishment. Meanwhile a goblin slips through the carnage to mark the lone Beastman who recovered a wide and deep ball. Beastmen fall back to cover their comrade, but not before more goblins slip in and sack him. The goblin responsible for knocking the ball free manages to recover it and breaks from the melee, but is brought down as he escapes by the outstretched hoof of an opponent. C&F beat their way back to the ball and inflict revenge by killing an innocent goblin bystander, before violently taking the ball back in the direction it should have been going. By the time they start to close on the touchline the Scramblers are down to Ripper and two goblins. In a last ditch attempt to stop the touchdown Ripper launches one of his remaining teammates, who successfully lands nearby and blitzes the now open runner. And dies in the process. Chaotic and Fabulous showboat a little while with a pass, almost missing the chance to score when it fails and lands past the touchline, but they grab it and score at the last moment.
All hopes of a trademark thrown teammate equaliser dissipate when the Chaos team expertly land the ball too deep. Instead the now replenished Scramblers gang-foul a Chaos Warrior so hard he picks up a niggling injury as most of his mates have formed a bowling pin-esque triangle to stop the 1TTD which will now not happen. Not one to pass up the opportunity of some pitching practice, one of the trolls winds up a goblin and hurls him into the pretty formation, stunning the Beastman who scored and prompting high-fives all round (which is tricky given the height difference between goblins and trolls).

The second half starts with a Chaotic and Fabulous kick that drops the ball right on the touchline. The retrieving goblin bungles the pickup, and the ball ends up in the middle of the line of scrimmage. The Chaos side make the most of the opportunity, busting a clear space around the ball and pushing hard. They pick up, but the goblins take the ball carrier down before he can move. Both teams then chase the ball around the knot of players for a little while, taking time to punch each other where possible. Twice the goblins clear the ball and try to steal it, failing to get it off the ground. Twice the ball is recovered by beastmen who make heroic attempts at a passing game, only to drop the it back at their feet. This, ladies and gentlemen, is Blood Bowl at its finest. Eventually the circus show ends and a Beastman dashes free with the ball. A final goblin attempt at an interception only results in him injuring himself, and the game ends with a second Fabulous touchdown.

[Dog Pants]

Looks like my last game will be a default win due to my opponent pulling out of the leagues. Shame, because in return for the death of two of my players last game, plus having to sack two for career ending injuries (-1MV off the Fanatic, -1ST off a sidestepping goblin), I got a level up on both trolls.

[Joose]

OOOOOoooooh, Ogres.

So this last match of the season for me started reasonably well. I did concede a TD a few turns in but managed to pull it back to a draw before half time, and had put a couple of the opponents DElves in the hurtybox for his troubles. My recent purchase of a fifth Ogre seemed to be making all the difference, with my new tactic consisting of getting a ball to a snotling, surrounding him with other snotlings and then using my unstoppable wall of punchbastards to plough up through the middle of the pitch. Second half starts up and it seems like this winning tactic is about to get me a 2-1 lead. Then I roll a brainfart for an ogre. Then I roll a brainfart for an ogre. Then I roll a brainfart for an ogre. Then I roll a brainfart for an ogre. God damn it.

This unusually high level of Ogre belming was the theme for the second half, meaning a total loss of control of the game as the meat of my team all start standing around staring into space. I eventually lose 2-1 to the DElves.

A couple of snots got killed, but we took a bunch of DElves down with us so I think I either have another skill up Ogre or im damn close to it. The hilarious side effect of this score is that I'm likely going to be facing a bunch of fresh faced new guys next season with an almost full roster of experienced Ogres. Bosh.

[Dog Pants]

My final match of the divisions before I retire for the sake of Mrs Pants. I drew wry amusement from managing to hold the Dwarves off for the first half, but a mixture of bad luck, attrition, and good old fashioned being out-played saw me finally concede near the end. I wish I could have had one more outrageous 1TTD, but it was a good game regardless. I ended the story by taking the piss out of Return of the Jedi, which I hope isn't mistaken as being sentimental.

Div H: Grimstone Greybeards (Dwa, Vexing Vision) 1 - 0 Thunderbox Scramblers (Gob, Dog Pants)

The Grimstone Greybeards start the match by kicking to the goblins near the touchline. The Thunderbox Scramblers are slow to recover it as they bounce off the dwarven defence for a little while, but they do pick up before crossing the pitch and fumbling a hand-off on the left field. The Greybeards capitalise on the loose ball by blitzing a space, but can't grip the ball either. Nevertheless, they start to cage up so that they can recover it in their own time. Before they manage to close in though, a goblin nips in to steal it. He can't get away, but he flings the ball down field to the team's speediest goblin. The pass falls short, but ends up at the feet of nearby Ripper, hired for this game. Speedy goblin wastes no time in taking the ball from the feet of the troll and dashing away, but the time lost means he can't escape the pursuing dwarves and a squabble breaks out between the Greybeard back markers and the goblin, ending in an injured greenskin. With little time left in the half it's the dwarf's turn for a spot of elfball, and he launches the ball right to a forward receiver. Lest they get a bad name, the dwarf on the other end misses the catch. The rest of the half is mostly taken up by neither side managing to take the ball. At the last minute the Greybeards do get hands on it, only to fail the hand-off which would have bagged them a late touchdown.

The Scramblers eventually kick after a riot delays the game (and officials are looking into accusations that it was goblin instigated), dropping the ball right on the Greybeards' touchline. The dwarves push forwards on the right field and form a loose cage, which the goblin Bomber attempts to crack. Startlingly, one of the dwarves intercepts the bomb. Holding it aloft in celebration, it explodes above his head. The still-loose cage slides into the midfield where the goblins regroup and blitz the ball loose. They grab it and make to pass out of the huddle of dwarves, but can't get it clear. This time the Greybeards make no mistakes. In an uncharacteristically swift advance the ball is swept up and carried upfield, before being handed off to a Blitzer who dashes for the line. He nearly makes it, but is cut down by the chainsaw of the Scramblers' determined Loony. The attack only delays though, as more dwarves pile in to injure the offender before the Blitzer trots over the line.
With little time left to equalise, the Thunderbox Scramblers form up for a last attempt at a gobbo throw, but the kick is right to the line of scrimmage and the Greybeards blitz before they can react. The ball, on failing to be caught by any of the knot of players it lands in, has to be handed back onto the field. The goblin who takes it is by the right hand of a troll. The troll picks him up, draws back his arm, and drops the goblin on his head. There's no time to recover as the dwarves draw in to close the match with a congratulatory kicking.

Coach Dog Pants returns to the goblin village bringing a pile of corpses. Normally dead players are only a cause for amusement, but this time he notices less enthusiasm. What was once a rowdy, thriving village is now almost desolate and tattered. He had barely noticed. How many of the little guys had died under his management? A dozen? Twenty? Even the irrepressible goblins must surely be feeling the pinch. The fat chief's grin is strained. Maybe it always had been. "Chief, have you no more players for me?" asks the coach. The chief's smile looks a little desperate as he shakes his head, "No more games for now." The players slip off the wagon and join their tribe, tossing their helmets into a pile. Coach Dog Pants turns and walks away. As he leaves he hears singing, and glancing back over his shoulder he is met by the spectral vision of a full team of former players stood before the fire. His second troll-handler, eaten by his own troll. Stibum, the bomber who busted him out of the Khemri tombs. Killed by his own bomb. Several Loonies, killed by their own chainsaws. Remembering those happy days the coach smiles, waves, and walks into the sunset.