Blood Bowl: Life in the Leagues

[Dog Pants]

Our division has finished in plenty of time, and I finish second again. I seem to have found my level, but maybe a good season will see me to the numbered divs. I had two levels off the last game, my champ Thro-Ra and a rookie bench-Skeleton. The Thro-Ra is pretty much skilled out unless I get a double, so it was a toss-up between hand off and fend. Hand-off is a good skill for a ball carrier, allowing him to make a short pass to a friendly if he gets sacked. However, with nobody on the team who can actually catch a ball it seemed a little optimistic. Fend stops opposing players from following up when they push or block, so while it's limited in use it would make pinning him down harder for those cage-penetrating blitzers. So I went with that. The skeleton, on the other hand, got wrestle. Wrestle seems like a fairly counter-productive skill on the surface - on a block roll (skull/pow) you can avoid injury at the expense of both players being knocked down. Sure, your player goes down, but after avoiding wrestling opponents with my heavier hitters because I don't want to have to stand them back up I can see the value. Sitting him on the line of scrimmage opposite a big guy could lead some some failed wild animal/stupidity etc rolls.

[Joose]

Our division is moving a little slower than yours, with me only playin my second game last night. It did not go well for me. His TV was around 300 more than mine, and it showed. His runners were like trying to tackle butter and his rat ogre hit like a truck, regularly bypassing my thick dwarven armour although he didn't manage more than a KO. That was all he needed though, one small hole in my defence and it was suddenly all rat men in my end zone. He won 5-1.

I got some revenge in come the second half, killing one lineman and seriously injuring two others, so it's not all bad. This makes it a draw and a loss for me this season, so I'm expecting relegation. I'm a little relieved.

[Dog Pants]

Another season, another month in Div A. I'm starting to suspect a conspiracy as this is four seasons in a row. This season's line up is thus:

20phoenix - Global Warping - Ska
Dog Pants - Anupshi Rises - Khe
Cacamas - Blackest of Black Blacks - Und
Jiiiiim - Monopole Magnates - Ama

This is a pretty terrifying division for me. 20Phoenix is old school and Jiiiiim is a five-time champion, which is more than anyone else in the league. Cacamas is an unknown quantity for me. Skaven always give me trouble, I just can't hit enough of the bastards to stop them getting through. My first game against Jiiiiim is less terrifying because they appear to be amazons - despite the same team name the champion side was Lizards, so either he's changed teams and kept the name (or forgotten to change the sheet), or his players are all wearing false tits in the hope of convincing me that they aren't a terrible death machine. That would probably work against Khemri.

Joose finds himself in div F:

MrJoose - Boatmurdered Athletics FC - Dwa
sinister agent - Your mother's nightmares - Ama
cyberpunkdreams - Black Bombers - Gob
Frenz0rz - Heroes of Holmgard - Nor

Of those I've only played CPD myself, and not that team. He's a well versed coach who plays regularly, and personally I think goblins are a better side than they get credit for. Amazon and Norse are both AV7 teams, which means with luck Joose could beat them into the pitch.

[Joose]

I've had extremely varied results against Norse/Amazons. Norse are the very definition of glass cannons: They can be terrifying when they are on the offensive but will fall over in a stiff breeze, so you really need to keep them on the back foot. If their coach is too ballsy with them I'll be fine, but if he knows how to keep himself covered it could be interesting. Time for my mighty blow guys to shine I think.

I've actually played CPD before, and his gobbos proved...well, more effective than I would have given them credit for. If i remember right there werent a lot left on the pitch by the end of the game though :D

[Dog Pants]

Christ, that was a dull game. No crazy plays, nothing went wrong for either of us. I pushed the amazons around the pitch all game, rarely even knocking anyone down, while they ran around and poked my defences until something gave. However, with pretty much no luck, good or bad, on either side I have nobody to blame but myself.

Div A: Anupshi Rises (KHE, Dog Pants) 0 - 2 Track and Field (AMA, Jiiiiim)

The weather is suitable for neither team as they line up on the frigid field, the snow making the Amazons regret their now slightly less immodest outfits, and the icy winds cutting the Khemri to the bone. Anupshi Rises kick first as a joker from the crowd hits one of the pair of Track and Field star players, Morg'n'Thorg, square in the face with a snowball. Unfortunately for Morg the rock in the middle of it puts him on his arse. Undaunted, the Amazons push to the right flank and the Ogre quickly recovers to spearhead the attack. With many of the attackers ganging up on the Khemri line of scrimmage, keeping them from hitting anyone too hard, the flanking cage comes up against a hefty opposition. Track and Field react by sliding through a gap in the lines to centre field, and the defenders follow, but the Amazons zig-zag back again. With all the manoeuvring steadily pulling the slow defenders out of formation Morg crashes through the remainder and the ball carrier saunters casually over the line.

The second half Anupshi Rises attack draws itself in and pumps the whole team up the right hand side of the pitch hoping to use sheer horse to overwhelm their nimble opponents. They push against the Track and Field defences and slowly squeeze up against the sideline, but eventually Morg lumbers in and clocks the Thro-Ra ball carrier just as it looks like they might break through. After a brief scuffle the ball finds itself in the hands of... none other than Morg! The star ogre lumbers off to give the ball to someone more agile, and the Linewoman puts distance between her and the clumped Khemri. A hand off later and the ball is again trotted over the line, timed for the final whistle.

[Dog Pants]

Joose, how did you manage a 0-0 draw? I'm not sure I've ever had that.

[Joose]

I...I don't want to talk about it.

Oh OK. I managed to stall the Amazons by giving them an utter battering (I even managed to take down Morg'n'Thorg a couple of times) which prevented them from getting a TD, but the couple of opportunities for me to score were scuppered by sudden random acts of Nuffle. At one point I pulled off an intricate series of blocks and dodges, picked up the ball, then failed the 2+ roll to make a hand off

To be fair, my opponent was equally Nuffled, having Morg'n'Thorgs "loner" skill screw him a couple of times, and having more than his fair share of double skulls. Including a double skull re-rolling to another double skull.

Still, I levelled a couple dudes. So it wasn't all bad.

[Dog Pants]

As you can see by the report, I got Morg'd too. Unfortunately my only skill-up was my last remaining skill-less bench skeleton. Meanwhile No-Kheks, my replacement Tomb Guardian of about four seasons now, remains level one.

[Dog Pants]

Despite the scoreline, I felt as though I accomplished something in this game. Skaven always cause me trouble, and I knew I wasn't going to win by turn 5 when they took the ball out of my reach in my own half. I gave them a hell of a beating, and the violence inflicted was enough to level three of my players, two of which rolled a double. So now all my Tomb Guardians have Block, which is no doubt terrifying for my opponents, and I have a +AG skeleton with Catch so I at least have the option of a pass (or a really effective diversion).

Div A: Global Warping (SKA, 20phoenix) 3 - 0 Anupshi Rises (KHE, Dog Pants)

Skaven Vs Khemri is a recipe for violence and fast plays, and both sides hoped for more of their particular style than the other as they lined up for the kick. Global Warping kick first and the Anupshi Rises Thro-Ra takes it and follows a pivoting push up the left flank. In a poor display of play, however, a gap in the offence is left down the sideline which a Gutter Runner quickly exploits. The Thro-Ra is sacked and the ball briefly in Skaven hands before being knocked loose and recovered by the Thro-Ra again. Needeing to escape the melee, the Thro-Ra makes a series of uncharacteristic dodges to plunge into another melee further up the field. Despite a numerical advantage to the attackers, Global Warping recover quickly to put rats behind the ball, and land a blow on the ball carrier once more. This time the fight over the pigskin (at least we all hope it's pig) is larger scale and the ball ricochets around a little before settling on the Khemri side but between several Skaven. A Gutter Runner breaks free and recovers the ball before heading lineward, and a Stormvermin following for cover is clothelined by a nearby skeleton. Thinks look grim for the rat's crushed windpipe, but their sawbone manages to keep him alive. With no players nearby to prevent a touchdown, Anupshi Rises take to hitting their opponents. The Rat Ogre is next to leave the pitch on a stretcher, and the rest of his team flee after the ball or stay on the ground. The Khemri follow, kicking any they catch up with (and one of the ones who didn't get up, resulting in a skeleton getting sent off), as the Gutter Runner showboats on the touchline. Eventually a Blitz-Ra gets within arm's reach, and the runner steps over the line to score.
With most of the half spend fighting or avoiding fighting there's little time left for more play, but in the short time before the half-time whistle goes the Khemri manage to injure another rat.

Global Warping receive for the second half, and the ball is delivered directly to a Gutter Runner near the halfway line. He retreats to toss the ball over to a Thrower, but makes a hash of it. Meanwhile another Gutter Runner goes deep into the defence, as Skaven are wont to do, but is killed stone dead by a Thro-Ra for his tenacity. In return the fallen rat's teammates send a Blitz-Ra to the injury dugout by feeding him to the crowd, and injure a skeleton with good old-fashioned punching. Away from the carnage, the Thrower picks the ball up and travels forward, and again the ball hits the ground during the transfer to another player. By the time the ball is moving forward again there is a scarcity of unmarked Skaven, and it is handed to a Stormvermin as the attacking group is squeezed against the right sideline. A veteran Gutter Runner is handed the ball and he deftly slips away from the attacking mob, through the defensive line, and across the touchline.
As Anupshi Rises receive again there is little time to claw back a touchdown, and no hope of anything but a loss, but the daring tactics come out nonetheless. An unmarked Thro-Ra beyond the half way line makes too tempting a target for his like teammate, who pitches the ball into the middle of nowhere with a terrible impression of a pass. The Skaven are quick to take the ball and run it over the Anupshi line to underline the point that Khemri don't play Elfball.
With a couple of minutes to spare another kick-off sees the Khemri burst forward in a second desperate attempt to move their scoreline off zero, and a Blitz-Ra could make the end-zone before the whistle if a Thro-Ra could land the ball on him, but a mob of Skaven put pays to that and the end of the game is marked instead by a rare completed pass between the two Thro-Ras.

[Joose]

Wow. Shit. I have never felt so guilty over a game before.

So tonights game was my second against the Black Bombers, a gobbo team piloted by CPD. I last faced them many moons ago when my dwarves were fresh and their beards short, and time and a decent coach has left them pretty nasty to go up against. Your average goblin may be feeble, but this lot were slippery as a greased weasel and backed up by some hard hitting secret weapons and a couple of trolls, one of which was experienced (level 4 I think). The whole game was a bit...weird. It all started when I accidentally blocked when I meant to blitz, costing me a TD just a couple of turns from the end of the first half. That was annoying, but it was entirely my fault. I managed to dwarf the hell out of the sea of green that turned up and get the TD after all, just a turn before the end of the first half. Then the Cyanide happened.

As CPD starts setting up his men for the single turn before half time, something goes weird and he has 12 men on the pitch, not 11. He cant do anything about it, and it means he is forced to put all his secret weapons in play. Secret weapons get sent off for the rest of the game at the end of a drive, and there is only one turn before the half ends, so a programming glitch has essentially stolen at least one of his secret weapons from him. For the rest of the game it insists that he has 12 men on the pitch. Weird, and annoying for both of us: he has lost his secret weapons, I am going up against more green midgets than I should have to deal with. He scores, after some excellent caging and running, and despite a kick off result letting me push a dwarf up his right flank it still takes me almost all of the remaining turns of the second half to pull ahead again. Even then I only manage it with some serious blessings from Nuffle. He sets up to receive the ball. We both have just one turn left in the game. He puts his ogres up front and the rest of his gobbos deep into his half, apart from a couple he is keeping next to the trolls in the hope of a one turn "flying goblin" TD. Its a long shot, but I've seen it work before. The kick goes so far into his half it damn near falls off the back of the pitch and scuppered any chances of the one turner being pulled off. His gobbos run out of punching range and the trolls stare at me threateningly. There's little else of use I can do this game, so I set up my dwarves around a troll to make a two dice block for my troll slayer, just to take the opportunity to maybe farm a couple of SPP.

The troll slayer lives up to his name. Troll goes down, armour punctured. Death. Apothecary...more death. Regeneration? Nope. Death. Guess which one it was, the aforementioned high level monster or the noob troll? Yeah.

I feel bad.

[Dog Pants]

Oof. A level 4 troll is going to be hard to replace.

[Dog Pants]

A disappointing last game of the season in that I failed to stave off relegation, but an enjoyable one. Cacamas's crazy Hail Mary play was brilliant and really made me want to play something a bit more unpredictable myself, so next season I'll be starting a new team of Goblins.

Div A: Blackest of Black Blacks (UND, Cacamas) 1 - 1 Anupshi Rises (KHE, Dog Pants)

The Blackest of Black Blacks kick off by punting the ball deep down the frigid Northern pitch where the Anupshi Rises champ Thro-Ra positions himself for a clean catch. The Khemri advance starts off cautious, probing the left flank without committing. When the defences yield a little the Thro-Ra races in to hand off to his stronger counterpart who blitzes clean through the Undead line. The pair of Ghouls scramble to intercept, and while they take the runner down and one recovers the ball, the other is injured by the following up Khemri Blitzer. Outnumbered and outgunned, the Ghoul retreats to his own touchline, out of range of the advancing Khemri. Meanwhile the Blacks' star Vampire, on loan for the game, begins a run by breaking a Tomb Guardian's leg in two places and charging deep. Anupshi Rises are late reacting as the Ghoul pulls back his arm and barely get a skeleton to follow the Vampire before a Hail Mary Pass launches the ball clean to the other end of the pitch. The lone skeleton seems to be distraction enough though, as despite knocking him to the ground the Vampire can't get hands on the ball. The delay allows a Blitz-Ra to assist, but the Vamp is unfazed and scoops the ball up to hammer it past the touchline and open the scores for Blackest of Black Blacks.

The second half starts with another long kick, this time by Anupshi Rises, but the end-to-end play has riled the crowd to the point where they take things into their own hands. A pitch invasion leaves a couple of holes in the offence, but as the crowd retreat again they leave the entire left side of the defence stunned. The Undead capitalise on this and sprint down the empty pitch, a still-rowdy mage dropping a fireball onto the line of scrimmage to account for another defender and open the gap even wider. Unfortunately for them, the Ghoul wasn't in a good position for ball retrieval and so a Wight follows up the charge with it. Handing off to the other Wight they drop the ball among the stirring Khemri. What follows is like a scene from a horror movie, as desiccated corpses rise from the ground and attack. Several Undead are flattened in the rush, the ball is recovered, and a cage formed before they can adjust to the sudden appearance of the defenders. Anupshi Rises begin to steadily beat their way up the sideline, leaving much of their opposition behind them. The Blacks' fastest players - the Count and the remaining Ghoul, manage to get behind the ball and briefly stall the attack, but the Ghoul is knocked out and Khemri pour through the gap. With little chance of stopping an equaliser, a plucky zombie spots his chance for glory and makes to blitz into the cage. Unfortunately for him the Tomb Guardian who had been punching his face all half gave him a kick in the bum as he departed and left him in a position familiar to any dodging zombie - prone. With no opposition, the Thro-Ra trots across the line to equalise.
As the teams reform for the last few minutes of play the Norse weather closes in, dumping a few inches of snow on them. The crowds shiver, but stay for the show of violence both teams put on, and the little pass the two Wights make to prove they're not as butter-fingered as their performance might have suggested.

Coach Dog Pants knew this was unlikely to end well. After a long stint in Division A the Pharaowners were looking to start pushing for tier 1, and instead he had got them relegated. He wasn't disappointed, and a Lich-priest lurking in the shadows left him in no doubt as to what was coming. "Stibum! Now!" bellows the coach, and in reply a deafening boom accompanies a section of the tomb ceiling crashing in, nearly crushing him. Light floods into the tomb, temporarily blinding Dog Pants and causing the Khemri to recoil. Shielding his eyes from the sudden light he feels a blow to his head and waits for the grasping skeletal hands to finish the last of a long series of failures. Instead, as his ears stop ringing and his eyes adjust, he sees a rope ladder with a particularly hard bottom rung. "Grab it! Grab iiiiiiiiiiit!" cries a high pitched voice from overhead. Barely processing the pleaded order he grips a rung with both hands. Immediately his arms feel like they're about to be wrenched from their sockets as the latter shoots upwards. Beneath him Coach Dog Pants sees frustrated Tomb Guardians reaching for him, above him he sees a rapidly approaching stone ceiling. A desperate and lucky swing later and he is back in the dry, hot desert air. His dust-covered Goblin rescuer grabs him and drags him after the Troll who is charging through the Numas streets towing a ladder. The city erupts into chaos as they flee through the dirty streets he has called home for the last year. Reaching the city walls a nervous Goblin caravan finishes hooking up the Troll and begins to move even as they pile aboard. The chattering, crazy Goblins within peer out of the back and grow silent as howls and rumblings emanate from the city, but by the time the stirred armies begin to move North they are long gone.

During the uncomfortable journey to the mountains Coach Dog Pants has his position explained to him. Far from being rescued, the chiefs of the Goblin Thunderbox Scramblers team with whom he had been negotiating the past few seasons require him to replace the coach he accidentally had buried in the sand months ago. Only his ruthless ingenuity had impressed the chief enough to offer him even that, but looking at the assembled team, excitable and uncontrollable in their purple uniform, he hopes they don't have as high expectations as the Khemri did.

[Joose]

I do enjoy those little stories you stick on the end of your match reports

My last game of the season was, I think, karma kicking me in the balls for the previous games trollslaying. It started well, with an first half TD and a solid defence against my opponents Norse. Second half started and although he was making steady progress into my half it was costing him quite badly. There was a decent chance I could stop his advance, but even if I couldnt we were deep enough into the last few turns that I was looking at a draw as the worst case scenario.

Then his internet pooped himself. Normally when a player is disconnected you get a few minutes for them to reconnect and carry on the game, during which all the timers are stopped. This happened for about a minute, then the game crashed entirely. God damn it Cyanide.

An admin was contacted and the game was reset, so we started again. This time went less well. I managed to kill the star player he had spent a bunch of money on in turn one, but this time regenerate kicked in and the troll just wandered off into the dugout ready to come on again next drive. That was the good bit. The less good was the kick off result. I had elected to recieve, so started with a very agressive front line. The plan was to beat hell into his front line, cage up and push slowly but steadily up through the middle. My dwarves are built super defensively, with guard and tackle all over the place, high armour and thick skulls. His Norse are glass cannons; they hit hard but really cant take a beating themselves. I was pretty confident that my defensive abilities would counter his attacking abilities, especially as his guys were almost all first level and mine all have at least one extra skill. With the Trollslayers and a deathroller clearing the way it should have been a pretty easy push.

Unfortunately all that was screwed by the kick off result giving him a free go before mine. He took advantage of the fact my linup was quite focussed around the scrimmage and blitzed a lone dwarf on the sidelines, easily punching a hole that allowed his faster players to get directly under the fairly short kick. This meant that in turn one of the game, the first *actual* turn of the game, I was starting on the defensive in a completely inappropriate setup for defense with three Norse players halfway down my half and one of them already has caught the ball. Shit.

I managed to punch a couple of guys, but nothing really stuck and he whipped past me for a turn 2 TD. This meant I was sans-deathroller for most of the game. Wonderfull.

The nuffling continued with him annihilating my team. Despite the vast statistical disadvantage (most of his blocks were 1 or at best 2 dice, I have many more players with Block than him, my guys all have Thick Skull making them much more resistant to KOs and my weakest armour is higher than his highest) he was taking down my guys left and right whilst i could barely touch him. By the half time whistle I had managed to injure 3 of his guys whilst he had injured 3 of mine, had my deathroller off and KO'd 4. None of my KO'd players got up again at the half time mark.

Second half started and it actually was a little better. Despite the fact I was playing at 8 guys down I managed a stunning turn about 2-3 turns in to this half, taking down players left and right (including making an injury stick on his troll) and scooped up the ball putting it into a partial cage. Of course, next turn his remaining players beat the hell out of my cage, take back the ball and fuck off into my half out of range of everyone I have left. TD #2.

Again, none of my guys wake up. All of his guys wake up.

Theres not enough time remaining for any serious play as there is only one turn left on the clock and its mine. He puts his three most expendable dudes on the front line and hides all the rest in his end zone. I put all of my dudes on the front. All of my dudes take turns punching his dudes. Not even a KO. Fuck you, Nuffle. Fuck you hard.

Silver lining: I get to stay in this Tier for another season, giving me more opportunites to spank weak teams and gather SPP. Also, despite only being on the pitch very briefly, my Deathroller got a level. He on the other hand gets to go up to a higher division with a team mostly made of level 1 guys and an injured Troll.

The games not been validated yet, so I havnt had the chance to roll for the Deathrollers skill. Not sure what to go for when I do (assuming no funky rolls are rolled). Any suggestions?

[Dog Pants]

I've had games like that, and with a slow fighty team there's not a lot you can do to recover. Part of the reason I got fed up with Khemri is because if I went 1-0 down in the first half I just didn't have the pace to get two touchdowns in the second, so I couldonly ever draw.

[Dog Pants]

A brutal first match against ChainsawHands's Chaos Dwarves sees me at even more of a disadvantage than I expected to be at this stage. Two deaths and a pogoer sacked for picking up -MV has left me on only 11 players. I didn't expect to win, and it was as entertaining as goblins always are, but I was hoping that they would all at least survive, so objective failed for game one.

Div I: The Flaming Balls (CDwa, ChainsawHands) 4 - 0 Thunderbox Scramblers (Gob, Dog Pants)

The Thunderbox Scramblers win the toss and opt to kick, dropping the ball midfield and then starting before the whistle blows or the ball hits the ground. An over-eager troll lobs his handler after the airborne ball, and astonishingly lands him right next to where it's due to land. Meanwhile another goblin takes the opportunity to slip past the chaos dwarf line and hurl himself at the feet of the dwarf nearest the ball. The game proper starts with the landed goblin getting punched for his audacity, and as a hobgoblin collects the ball for the Flaming Balls a Blitzing dwarf injures the first of many greenskins. The Scramblers backpedal a little to close the gaps left by their keen attack while one of the forward gobbos gets up to go for the ball carrier only to fall over again, knocking himself out. The chaos dwarf push continues, making space for the hobgoblin to rush forward and hand off to the bull centaur. A couple of goblins intercept to slow the charging quadruped, but at the cost of a career-ending injury for the debuting pogoer who can't extract himself from his markers. As the bull and his markers push for the line another goblin is landed in the injury box, and the Flaming Balls score.
The chaos dwarves punt the ball deep for their kick, which is chased and recovered. Having lost the team's fanatic to the ref the last remaining special player, the bomber, entertains himself by tossing an explosive to one of the blockers in the line of scrimmage. Surprisingly he catches it, but fails to throw it further than his own feet and takes down the entire line, bar the two trolls. The offence descends into chaos, both figuratively and tactically, as two more gobs are KOd in the chaos dwarf counter-charge. Having not moved since he picked up the ball, only five teammates left on the pitch, and surrounded by four opposing players, the plucky ball carrier slips away. Sprinting up the pitch, away from the cluster of angry opponents, he trips over his own feet while showboating. A nearby hobgoblin moves in to easily pick up the loose ball, and expertly passes to another hobgoblin who charges in a second touchdown.
With little time left of the half Flaming Balls line up on their touch line in order to catch any flying goblins, but they needn't have been concerned as their kick leaves the ball well out of troll-range.

The Thunderbox Scramblers begin the second half with eight players after some recover consciousness. Things look to be evening up a little too, as a troll injures a chaos dwarf blocker and a pair of goblins race forward through the defence. The positive turn is short lived, however, as one of them is killed. The rest of the Flaming Balls close in on the huddle that composes most of the rest of the Scramblers, but the ball carrier and a pair of escorts slip by and charge linewards. A couple of dwarves intercept, sacking the ball carrier and killing one of his pals. The last standing goblin interloper manages to recover the ball, despite a growing throng of chaos players around it, but falls just short of escaping with it. A nearby hobgoblin capitalises and rushes the ball off to hand it to the bull centaur, but the ball falls loose again. Both sides make a grab, and the bull centaur makes good his fumble. With few opponents left standing the bull starts to trot towards the line, while his colleagues ensure that no opponents are left standing, and with little else to do he saunters across for a third touchdown.
A final chance for the Scramblers to make the scoreboard starts with a failed pick-up and the ball precariously close to the centre line. The chaos dwarves make a token movement towards it, but mainly concentrate on beating up the surviving trolls and goblins on the line of scrimmage. The bull centaur takes the ball away towards the line for a final run, and a few goblins break from their huddle to pursue. As another chasing goblin is injured a single one makes it to the bull and tries to bring him down but succeeds only in surviving, leaving the bull centaur to saunter in a fourth and final touchdown as the whistle blows.

[buzzmong]

Cocking hell Doggers.

Did you at least manage to gain a bit of SPP amongst your surviving gobbos?

[Dog Pants]

One completed pass and an MVP. That doesn't matter too much as skill-ups don't add a great deal to gobbos, but I was hoping to increase the number of players I had.

[Dog Pants]

A hilarious, but not catastrophic, defeat tonight which has given me some nice insights into goblin tactics without taking any permanent casualties. Great game, especially the first half, and with my opponent fairly new to the game I'm glad he found it as entertaining.

Div I: Revellers In Sorrow (DElf, Recoil3842) 3 - 0 Thunderbox Scramblers (Gob, Dog Pants)

The snow comes down over the mid season Div I game as the teams march out, the Goblins producing a purchased star troll, Ripper, to make up for heavy losses last game. Thunderbox Scramblers kick off, dropping the ball into the middle of the Revellers In Sorrow formation. The Dark Elves quickly collect the ball as the team surge down their left flank. The rush leaves the ball carrier a little exposed, and he nervously dumps the ball onto the ground as a troll charges him. Fortunately the icy pitch also lands the troll at his feet along with it. A little more sliding around sees the Revellers back on track and slinking down the side of the field. As he catches up with a few escorts, the goblin fanatic wobbles to intercept and manages to knock the carrier down, only for a Dark Elf teammate to catch it. The ball is briefly lost to a multi-goblin blitz, before the rest of the Revellers pile in and recover it again. Charging for the line this time, the Delfs make a passing run clear to the end zone, where the carrier slips over onto his face in the ice. The Scramblers recover the ball and try to get the ball forwards and out of danger, recruiting Ripper to throw the goblin carrying it as far as he can. It doesn't get far, the goblin landing upside down, and a Reveller recovers it to make another passing run down the mostly empty right field. Near the line and with three escorts the Dark Elf Blitzer looks sure to score. The Scramblers have other ideas. Ripper lumbers down the field to pick up a stray goblin and launch him at the ball carrier. The greenskin projectile crashes through one of the escorts before landing at the ball carrier's feet. Quickly jumping up, the wild-eyed goblin leaps on the blitzer, wrestles the ball from him, and tears off up the pitch. As astonished as they are (indeed, as everyone is), the Revellers quickly rally to gang-sack the heroic stunty. Goblins pile into the furball to assist, but this time the blitzer breaks free and charges in a long awaited touchdown.
Kicking off shortly before the end of the half, the Revellers get the jump on their opponents and get several players under the ball before the goblins react. The receivers manage to retrieve the ball nontheless, but a rapid touchdown is seen off when Ripper refuses to make another throw. The half ends with fireworks as Stibum the Bomber excitedly blows himself up, injuring himself by doing so.

The Scramblers receive a short kick for the start of the frigid second half. Collecting the ball, they huddle up to the troll line to make up for their numerical disadvantage. The lumbering trolls slowly push forwards, the Dark Elves making a point of avoiding a confrontation with them, but several flanking Revellers manage to penetrate the thick cage and knock the ball out of it. The Dark Elves collect the ball from outside the cage and dash off, and despite a few goblins breaking from the pack to intercept the blitzer punches through for an early second touchdown.
The game's final drive starts with a long kick from the Revellers. As the ball sails directly towards a goblin back-marker, a brick sails directly towards the same goblin from the crowd. The brick lands first, and the unfortunate gobbo is carted off to the injury box while his teammate trudges the width of the pitch to get the ball. Meanwhile, the trolls batter the Dark Elf line, injuring one and knocking another out, and the rest of the Scramblers clump between them for safety. The Dark Elves circle the greenskin pack, almost catching the ball carrier as he scurries into the huddle. One gobbo breaks for it, dashing forwards through the scattered defence, and Ripper launches the ball carrier after him. In a reversal of the earlier gobbo-chucking luck, this time the ball carrier lands on his own teammate and injures him. Never one to miss an opportunity, the Revellers recover the loose ball and make a rapid passing dash for the end zone. A couple of goblins hurry to intercept and manage to cause a dump-off, but it isn't enough to stop the line being crossed for a final, last second touchdown.

[Dog Pants]

Quite a bit of bad luck in the plays tonight, but then with the amount of crazy attempts that's to be expected. The loss is reduced again, and no permanent damage done this game. I'd consider that a success overall, and the game was fun.

Div I: Urgat's Uglies (Orc, Drake Sigar) 2 - 0 Thunderbox Scramblers (Gob, Dog Pants)

The Scramblers kick off in the face of a heavy Black Orc front line, and the Uglies waste no time in ganging up on the opposing trolls. The Fanatic in the middle of the line makes little impression in his effort to relieve his lumbering teammates, knocking himself out almost as soon as he spins off. The Uglies surge on, around the heavy fighting in the middle of the pitch, to sweep up the flanks. A Scramblers goblin and their bomber find themselves trapped on the line by the flanking Orc linemen, the bomber escaping to leave his teammate crowd-surfing. Meanwhile the Uglies' own goblin has recovered the ball and is marching down the right field under orc escort. By the middle of the half the Scramblers are down five players, and the Uglies are herding them into a corner as the ball is advanced under a Black Orc cage. Unfortunately, the corner the goblins are being herded into is the same one the orcs are heading towards, so the Uglies' gobbo and a few orcs break for the centre of the pitch towards the line. A desperate two-goblin assault ensues, which nudges the ball carrier away from his escorts and then knocks him out. With time running low it seems as though the Scramblers might have survived the first half with a clean sheet, but their crazed attacks only slow the orcs and a thrower recovers the ball to score.

The second half with the 9-player Scramblers receiving and making for a gobbo-throw sucker touchdown while most of the Uglies are on the line eager to pummel some more little guys. The play looks promising as the ball is ferried to a goblin who is picked up by a waiting troll. Until the troll sniffs him and opens his mouth wide. A thrown Orca-Cola can and a stern look change the troll's mind, but at the expense of the throw. Trying to recover, the goblins scuttle forward through gaps in the orc line, but the ball carrier can't make his way around the centre huddle and is brought down. A small scuffle breaks out, with the orc thrower and two goblins exchanging the ball, but eventually orc brute horse separates the squabble with the thrower and ball being hurried away back towards the Scramblers' half. The cage makes is way down much of the pitch unmolested as the rest of the team run interference, and by the time a few goblins catch up they are almost at the touchline. A few lucky hits are landed on the thrower, but fail to stop him and a second touchdown is run in just before the final whistle.
The Scramblers arrange themselves for a last-ditch attempt at a quick thrown touchdown as the game resumes for the final minute or so, but a long kick to the back of the field foils any hops and the game ends with some friendly punching from the satisfied orcs.

Coach Dog Pants enters the smelly hut of the goblin chiefs to debrief them on the season. The leader seems to be an obese, almost spherical greenskin with particularly crooked teeth and squinty eyes. The coach dislikes him immediately, but maintains a neutral posture and awaits the vicious goblin criticism. "Two deaths. Nine scored against," trills a gnarled old goblin sat beside the fat chief. Coach Dog Pants winces a little. The chief sneers, his wonky teeth seeming to change direction at random rather than move as expected, and he holds up a chubby thumb. The Coach starts to enquire if the chief is happy, but a roar-like belch from outside the hut causes the occupants to fall about in hysterics, so the Coach simply leaves to prepare for the next season.

[Joose]

Shitting hell. I'm in Div A. There must have been some people in the upper leagues retire their teams. I don't feel ready for this. Shit.